Accidentally Intentional

11 Relationship Tips That 22 Million People Wished They Learned Earlier In Life

August 03, 2023 Zoe Asher Season 2 Episode 16
Accidentally Intentional
11 Relationship Tips That 22 Million People Wished They Learned Earlier In Life
Show Notes Transcript

Crowdsourced from over 22 million people, we are discussing some really profound life tips of sort. The sooner we learn and apply these pieces of relationship advice in our own lives, the richer and deeper we will find all of our relationships to be!

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Welcome back to another accidentally intentional podcast episode. In this episode, we're actually going to be discussing some of the best life pro tips crowdsource from over 20 million people that they all had wished they known earlier in life. And the inspiration for this episode actually comes directly from this life pro tip sub forum on Reddit, which has been running since 2010. And this man named our June Mahadevan, he is actually the CEO of doula HQ, he gave the world a gift, honestly, when he crowdsourced these best life pro tips from 22 million people in this subform. And he actually shared the top 20 in a Twitter thread. But what I want to do here today is focus on 11 of these 20, because these 11 that we're discussing, all have some relational dynamic at play, that will better serve all of us, if we can put it into practice. So without further ado, I don't know why I just threw my microphone here. But let's jump into it. So the first one that was discussed as a life pro tip is, when you don't have all the facts, try to give people the most generous reason you can, for their behavior, otherwise known as assuming the best of intentions. And they gave this beautiful example it said, annoyingly slow driver, maybe it's a mom with a birthday cake in the back. And they were discussing basically, that this mindset will gradually make you less reactive, and more compassionate. And I think that is an incredible tip across the board. And I think that, if we all think about it, we have been people that have had, maybe assuming a negative attention about someone else, such as when you're stuck in traffic or something like that. And also, we've been the recipients probably of someone else, assuming the wrong intentions about us, as well. And so, we talked about assuming the best intentions in a previous episode recently. But I mean, really, it's one of the most important things we can do in life in any of our relationships is give people the benefit of the doubt and assume the best of intentions. Number two, here, I thought this was so cute. Always tell a child who was wearing a helmet, how cool you think their helmet is, it will encourage them to always wear it in the future. You know, it really speaks to this principle of speak to what you want to see more of in this world. And in fact, my friend, Dr. John Maloney often talks about this, in his show is that the best way to communicate and encourage someone is speak to what you're noticing and observing about them. Because what we know that other people love about, about us, we're going to walk in so much more confidence in that very thing. And my husband does this really well, words of affirmations is definitely a strong suit of his and so let's just talk about the podcast versus when I am explaining to him and like, Hey, I'm thinking of doing an episode about this, or I don't have any ideas for this week's episode, and I'm getting a creative block. He says, Zo, you're an incredible podcaster you have a passion to help people build relational wealth, and you have what people are looking for. So just believe in that first, and you're gonna have everything that you need. And so being able to be that type of friend to other people, in general, if we can apply that mindset and that framework, my goodness, everyone wants that person in their life. And in their corner. The third life pro tip that was discussed is when a friend is upset, ask them one question before anything else. And the question is, do you want to talk about it? Or do you just want to be distracted from it? Dang, have I messed this up? So many times? I love having conversations with people. And sometimes because I love having conversations with people. I am not the best listener, this is something I'm trying to continuously grow in. And so there could be a situation where someone's like, Hey, this is happening in my life. And I don't ask and I just kind of react to it. Or I'll make a joke to try and get them in a different you know, mood or laughing about something but they don't want that. They just wanted to talk about it and and me listen to them as a result and not offer any insight or advice but just sit there with them in whatever they were going through. And other times. Recently, I had a friend experience a tragedy of sorts. And I sat down with her and I was like, Hey, let's talk about this. And she said, No, I don't want to talk about from Can you please distract me? And I said, Oh, dang, this is one of those times where I should have actually asked first, and given that gift to her being upfront by saying, hey, what would you like to do about this conversation before, I assume and presume what you would like to do? Number four life pro tip, and I thought this was super unique, after a bad breakup, do 10 things that your ex would never do with you, you'll feel better and realize how much of yourself was being held back. Now, the language of that I don't necessarily love because that's putting a negative spin on it, when there's positives that can come from everything in life, whether it's the lessons we learned, or many other things, I think it's better to frame it from, realize how much you were actually able to learn from it. And in spite of it, so doing these 10 things that your ex would never do with you, or it doesn't even need to be a romantic relationship. It could be maybe you had a kind of fallout of a friendship. Or maybe you just had a close relationship, move to another city. And now you're thinking, Well, that was that was the person I went here with, you know, but if you actually create this fun experience of, hey, let's let's do something that I actually wouldn't be able to do with them anyways, man, it just puts such a positive and encouraging spin on life. And, you know, I actually had this beautiful memory that was able to be created with a friend, essentially, the context for it is, she had always wanted to go to Disney World, and I'm a big Disney Parks fan, I frequent. The parks. And her ex boyfriend had originally set up a trip for them to go to Disney, it was going to be a really incredible experience. But then they ended up breaking up. And that dream was dashed from her, she had to grieve the loss of that kind of Disney trip, dream. But so she actually approached me. She said, Hey, I know you love the Disney parks. If you'd be interested, I actually would love to kind of redeem that Disney dream that I had some time with you, because I know that you xo would make it a really fun experience. And so I was so excited. And I was like, for sure I want to make this trip happen. And we did make the trip happen. And it ended up being incredible. And it redeemed her entire outlook on what was formerly a really negative memory she had tied to a dream being lost, but then redeemed in a different way, with a friend, the fifth life pro tip. And this one's definitely super smart. Never send a work email when you're emotionally compromised, type it up, save it as a draft, and walk away and ideally, sleep on it. Because you're gonna make a smarter choice when you're not heated. Please, this doesn't just stay in the context of emails. Let's talk about text. Let's talk about conversations and phone calls that we want to have when we find out that somebody did something that hurts us offends us, you name it. The worst thing we can do is react. What we should do instead is figuring out how to respond. And responding takes a lot of diligence and patience. And my gosh, Am I guilty of this? I am very reactionary, most days instead of crafting a careful and thoughtful response. And so I think this is incredibly insightful. And if you're grieving, a loss, this is actually really helpful to my friend, Dr. John Maloney. Again, he often talks about the beauty that comes from writing a letter that you'll never actually sent to help bring closure to a certain situation. So maybe somebody close to you passed away, write a letter to them of everything that they meant to you and everything that they're going to miss and how you're going to miss them. And you know, if there's a relationship that went south, and there is no longer any contact being made, it actually can be really healing, to write a letter and get all of Your anger and venting and out on paper, and then throwing it away and releasing it. Because you want to let it all out in a safe place where it's not harming anybody else. Because when other people are harmed, you're harmed in the process too. And nothing ever gets better from an angry uncalculated thoughtless. And what's the word aggressive response. Number six life tip is do not try to be the man your father would want you to be be the man you would like your son to be. Same could go for mothers and daughters. Do not try to be the woman that your mother would want you to be, be the mother that you would want your daughter to be. And the reason that it says this is because it more clearly defined your own convictions, your desires, your goals, and it motivates you to be your best. And I think that's beautiful. Because essentially, when we take that thought, it empowers us to write a brand new story, instead of attaching what can sometimes feel like a burden, and a weight of I have to live up to set expectation because nobody is putting that expectation on you, except yourself. And if someone actually genuinely is putting this expectation on you, that's not fair to you. Because you get to have the gift of deciding what you want your life to look like. And in the same way, you get to decide how to show up for your kids, and teach them and what will help them one day become an awesome parent as well. And I love that it really just kind of pushes away the need to seek validation from others on what you're doing. Number seven, ask yourself, What does it matter to me, the next time you find yourself judging someone for their clothing, or their hobbies, the more you train yourself not to care about personal preference of other people, the more relaxed and nicer you're obviously going to become as a person. And it's really interesting, because I think that you look back and our ancestors and and tribes were basically this community and commonality was created of we people like this, do things like this. And it can also be really isolating. When it's like people like us do things like this. Yes, everyone wants to feel part of something. But also, if they're not part of something, can't we also celebrate the fact that they're not part of necessarily what we do, but they're part of something else. I just think it's really beautiful to celebrate people's differences and how diverse and incredible humanity is as a whole. And our differences of thought, and how I could have a friend who thinks completely opposite of me on any spectrum you want, emotionally, spiritually, politically. And yet, we can celebrate each other's differences because of how we're able to hear each other's thoughts and be challenged by it, and yet still have a friendship that actually is rich, and has so much depth and meaning behind it. Number eight, if you tell someone you need to talk to them, for the love of God give some indication of what you need to talk about, or at least, that it's not bad news. Now, this is hysterical because my husband and I recently had this exact situation happened to us. We had some friends text us in group message with zero context saying, Hey, can we talk to you guys in 20 minutes? And we're like, yeah, for sure. My husband was freaked out. I was freaked out. He was checking the news, because he's like, what has happened? Oh my gosh. And it ended up being like a really fun, positive thing. And we were like, Guys, you have to tell us what's going on. We were freaking out. And like, yes, that's rough. Because at the same time, it's like, why are we assuming that's the worst, you know, but also, let's give people the gift of clarity. Because clarity is kindness. Number nine. I love this one. Don't wait until you have, quote, time to start a fitness program. Because then when you're busy again, you'll stop. The best time to start is actually when you're busy. Learn how to fit it in when times are tough, meaning that you're going to stick with it for the long haul. Now, at the beginning of the year, we actually had an entire relational health turns into relational wealth series. And we had some personal trainers on discussing this entire thing but people that have short term short term goals goals with fitness or with relationships as well. It's not going to bode well for the long haul, yes. Should you have goals that are achievable and attainable? Absolutely. But let me give you an example. Let's say that you have a wedding in four months, and you want to look good for the wedding, whether that's your wedding, or just attending, your goal is to look good in four months, and then what happens right after the wedding, you don't really have a sustaining motivation to continue after that. So what if the goal instead was, I want fitness to be a priority in my life, because I want to feel good physically. And I want to be able to wake up in the morning and not have pain, or let's say that you're older, and you're like, I want to be able to play with my grandkids without any issues. That is a deep really rooted motivation. And the same goes for relationships. If you're like, I moved to a new city, and I need to find friends in 30 days, because I'm going to insane if I don't, well, that's a good starting point. But that should not be your ending point. Because if you only give yourself 30 days to make friends, then you're not factoring in the fact that every relationship is a long term investment. And we can't let up on our investments, and other people and relationships in our lives. Number 10. I thought this one was really fascinating. Instead of feeling that you've blown the day thinking, I'll get back on track tomorrow, let's say breakfast or lunch, turns the day self, you know, think of each day as a set of four quarters. And Edie my let he's a motivational speaker, she gave him a follow. But he actually does this exact thing where basically each six hours counts as a day mentally in his mind. So morning, midday, afternoon, evening, if you blow one quarter this way, based on this framework, you get back on track the next quarter. And I think this is super free, right? Because we all know the stories. For instance, we're trying to eat healthier than normal. And then we have one cookie, and then we have three cookies. And we're like the whole day is screwed. Nothing anymore, because I just blew the whole day. Well, what if it was like, No, that was actually a bad meal, let's get back on track, and make another better choice for the next meal. It's really freeing. And when we give ourselves grace, we're also going to simultaneously start giving incredible amounts of grace to other people. And then number 11. Many problems in marriage are really just problems with being a bad roommate, learn how to be good roommate, and it will solve many of the main issues that plague marriages. This includes communicating something that's bothering you, before you actually get too angry about it. Whoa, True. True. That's all I can say is true, because I'm in my first year of marriage right now. And we're learning this and shout out to all the newlyweds that are listening to this. But you don't need to actually be married to apply the principle that's in here. Learning how to communicate how you feel. Specifically, instead of just assuming that it is true, I think that's a huge misnomer. And a huge issue that a lot of us make is that we think that our feelings are actually the absolute truth. And they guide our decisions and how we think and see the world. But what if instead of just listening to that voice in our head, we spoke it out loud, and said to someone, hey, this is making me feel this way prior to freaking out, right? Or when you do this, it makes me feel like this. And then letting that person help squelch what could be a very incorrect and very toxic thought and replace it with the actual truth. So I think there's are some incredible life pro tips. And hey, I hope that this week, even just reflecting on some of these, you can start to think, Man, this actually could be really actionable and applicable, if I do this here. And I think all encompassing a lot of this has to do with assuming the best of intentions and giving other people grace. And if we do those two things. I can't imagine a world where you don't end up having incredibly rich relationships as a result of that. Because at the end of the day, everyone wants to feel fully loved and fully known. And you fully love someone by assuming the best of intentions and by giving them grace, you help fully know someone by assuming the best of intentions and believing the best of them as well. This podcast is all about teaching people how to build relational wealth so we can have rich, deep, meaningful relationships. If you liked this episode, please hit the like button, subscribe on YouTube or click follow on the podcast platform that you listen to. of choice. I so appreciate you guys being on this journey as we create relational wealth together. Okay, catch you in the next episode.