Our Relationship With Food: How To Heal From A Shame-Filled Food Past & Rebuild To Improve Your Other Relationships, With Dietician Anna Rohar | Relational HEALTH Series

70% of people do not have a single person that they can call in the middle of a crisis. Let's face it, we are relationally broke. And my mission is to make that percentage zero. But how? By building relational wealth is the embodiment of all your relationships with yourself with others and experiences that enrich your life. I promise you this podcast will help you build wealth in every way that money cannot. And it all starts by being accidentally intentional. Let's begin. This episode is going to help a lot of people and I hope you are ready. But before we get into it, I want to give a quick shout out to today's episode sponsor, which is party cues, the number one app for conversation starters. Download it right now for free in the App Store, or on Google Play, and punch awkward silences in the mouth. What's up, guys, and welcome back to another accidentally intentional podcast episode, I am very excited because not only are we ending the relational health series with a bang, I have brought in my friend Anna, who is a certified dietitian to talk about a very important topic today. One that a lot of people have been googling lately, apparently. And so we're going to actually get right into it. Today's topic is our relationship with food. Yep. And how that actually impacts all of our other relationships. Yeah, so I'm really excited to talk to you about this. Because I don't, I'm confused. Let me just start by saying that a lot of people are I think, so confused. Because one we have this like food pyramid thing we learned growing up. Yeah. Then I just heard about new food recommendations, where I was told that I should eat Froot Loops now. And then I eat mac and cheese that doesn't have Mac or cheese in it. Now, it's like chickpeas and something else. Yes. Not real noodles. It's It's confusing. I don't really know what is considered good, bad, healthy, unhealthy. Yes, anymore. So can you start this episode by kind of sharing with us? How we should think about what we eat? Just yeah, yeah. No, I think that's, I mean, lots of people are confused. I have people talk to me every day and ask what should I eat? What's good? What's bad? I don't know. And the food pyramid has kind of gone away. In recent years, they came out with some most recent recommendations, like put out by like CDC and things is the MyPlate. So to like, think about it more at each meal instead of full day requirements. Okay, which I think sometimes is helpful. Yeah. And I think thinking about those food groups, as okay, I should have a vegetable with every meal, I have a fruit with every meal, that sort of thing is easier for most people. Yeah. Instead of like, oh, I need to consume seven vegetables every single day. Like that's overwhelming. For sure. So yeah, I think that's kind of the direction things have been going. And I'm also not one to classify foods as good and bad. Okay, so you know, every food can have a place in our diet. Now, should we be eating Froot Loops every single morning for breakfast? Probably not. I'm not gonna recommend that to people. But like, if you love Froot Loops, I'm never going to tell somebody like, oh, you can never eat those Froot Loops again. Okay. Yeah. Because that's gonna make us want them that much more. Right. And then if we keep, you know, restrict, restrict, restrict, eventually, most people then, you know, fall out of that and then binge and oh, that's when the overeating tends to happen. Yeah. So So what is like, how? Because I mean, I fall into this trap, right? Yeah. I'm like, zero or 100. There's no in between? Yeah. So how do we learn this balance? Of No, you're allowed to have dessert? Yeah. You just shouldn't have it. Excellent. Like, yes. As if I'm your client right. Now. Explain to me what that should look like. Yeah, that's a great question. And it's a hard thing to almost reteach our bodies. And I always use the example of toddlers when talking about these situations. So because we talk a lot about like, intuitive eating and mindful eating, and I'm sure you've heard of those. Yeah, you know, buzzwords going around. Yes. diet culture. I saw this big thing. Yes. Yes, it is. So when we think about a toddler, they've had no outside influence on oh, you should eat this. You should eat that your body should look a certain way. If you eat these foods that's going to make like they've had none of that. You know, they're kind of like starting from scratch. Yeah, at you know, two years old. Right? And if you think about how they eat, they're truly listening to those internal cues. So their internal All hunger cue their internal fullness que that's all they're going based on. They're not going based on what they saw on TV or sauna magazine. Okay? So if we kind of like think about like that. And it's hard because, you know, you and I were, I'm 32, I've had all these years of this outside influence, influencing what I think I should eat, how I should eat, how much I should eat, how I should look and how food affects how I look totally. So it's a process to almost reset your body and say, like, Okay, now I've got to listen to that internal hunger cue and fullness cue. And I think it's important for people to allow, like, allow themselves to be okay with eating something that maybe somebody else is telling them, Hey, that's not healthy. So that can be really, really hard. And it's not going to happen overnight. Yeah. It takes time. And it takes practice, just like, you know, you go practice for soccer, you know, it takes practice to kind of make that healthy relationship with food. Yeah. And I love that you just gave that example of like, hey, that's unhealthy. Someone's saying that to you. Yeah. Why do we have this tendency to get so offended? When somebody's like, Hey, that's not healthy. As if like, food is us. And we are food. Yeah. Yeah. Engineered? i Yeah, there's so much emotion tied to food. I mean, you know, I've read things that are like, the right relationship with food is our most important relationship, you know, like it is tied to everything else. tied to our culture, our, you know, relationships with other people, our family, there's nostalgia that comes with certain foods, then like you throw in the emotional component of, you know, certain foods bring us comfort, certain foods bring us joy. It's a coping mechanism for so many people. So there's the high emotions tied to food, a baseline. So if your favorite food is, you know, whatever, you know, strawberry pie, whatever it might be, yeah, but then somebody's like, Oh, that's really bad for you. You shouldn't eat that, like, that's high emotion, like sure that your favorite foods are gonna be upset if you don't take don't take my strawberry pie. I'm realizing that's a very probably southern. I don't think they have that many things. There you go. So it's, it's a hard thing like that. Emotions are always going to be tied to food, we're not going to get rid of that emotion and those feelings tied to food. I think part of it is, you know, we need to stop judging others and like putting our thoughts and, you know, impressions of things on other people. Yeah, I think is probably part of it, too. Yeah. And I love that, which means I want to ask this next question about there is that that tendency, we might have to be like, I'm concerned about someone. Yeah. How do we know? When it's a rational concern? That's part one. And part two, if it is actually a valid concern. How do we bring that up gently? to somebody? Yeah. That's, that's a tough one. Um, and I think it would take someone that you're close to, to know, it is a valid concern. Right point, right. There may not be going up to somebody who's hard. You don't do not know to be like, yeah, right. Yeah. Like, I'm not going up to people on the street. Even as a dietitian, I'm not going up to random people on the street and saying, like, Hey, you shouldn't eat that, or this isn't good. Or you need to be doing this. Yes. That's, that's not how it happens. And that's not how anybody should anybody that is cares about people? Yeah. Yes. Yes. So that's the first thing like it better be someone really close to you, if you feel concerned about them. Yeah. And I think identifying, you know, there's probably going to be some signs, you know, is somebody stopped, like, not coming around anymore? Like, not going out to dinner with friends anymore? Or you noticed, like, holidays are really, you know, there's lots of different things that you might see, when somebody doesn't have a healthy relationship with food. Yeah. Or if they're always really, really concerned, like, Oh, they're in my fitness pal all day, every day logging all their calories, or it's like, oh, well, that's 100 calories. Like I can't eat that or this is like, things like that. If you notice was someone like, you know, that's getting, you know, to that unhealthy really kinship and, you know, borderline like eating disorder, you know, that sort of thing. But there's also the flip side of maybe people are eating really unhealthy and you feel like, Oh, this is affecting their long term health. So, you know, I'm a, my background is in diabetes. So I'm a certified diabetes educator. So that's mainly what I work in. So I think, from that perspective, from like, long term health, like diabetes risk, high blood pressure, risk, cholesterol risk, that standpoint of like, having concern for someone sure, is also very valid. Absolutely. Yeah. So there's, you know, there's lots of ways to look at it. And, you know, if you're close with someone I, you know, having sit down and talk to him and have a conversation and just ask them, maybe, Hey, how are things going and keep it very, very broad and open and not? Attack? Sure. More curiosity? Yeah, instead of this is what's happening. Yeah, I love that. You bring up a good point when I've never even thought about that before of the attention to is this person suddenly not participating in events like socially, etc. If you can already see that it's starting to impact your relationships, if your food insecurities like let's just start there, bleed over in your relationships with others. Yeah. And if you're invited somewhere, that's a perfect example, people want you there, right. So if you're saying, Sorry, if you don't show up, you're essentially saying, food is deciding for me. I'm not coming. Yeah, absolutely. And that's a very, you know, we can't let food control us. And I think there's a lot of people that struggle with that, because they are so worried about the food they eat, how much they eat, what they're eating, you know, how it's affecting so many different things. And like I said, it's a hard, you know, thing to get away from, you know, like relearning and having that in building that healthy relationship with food. Yeah. And how would you go about building a healthy relationship with food? Where especially like, in America, what we do socially is mostly over food and over drinking? Yeah. How does that work? Yeah. It's all about balance. I mean, there's no perfect diet, nobody's perfect. You're, you know, that's, that doesn't exist. And so I really think finding that balance and not feeling shame around food, I know, in again, that it's hard to retrain our body, but not feeling guilty about going out and having that dessert or going out with your friends and having those drinks and appetizers that oh, maybe that wasn't the best choice. But it's okay. Like, that's okay. Like, we don't need to feel guilty about the foods that we're eating. And speaking of using food for like social drinking, social eating, that's a pretty good place to have a conversation. So that being said, I need to bring up party cues, which is today's sponsor, what is party cues you ask RT Q's is a free app that offers a variety of thought provoking and conversation starting questions to break the ice and to get the party going with party cues. There are no more boring or service conversations. And there is no more awkward silences, or stumbling for something to say, because with party queues, you'll have a never ending supply of interesting and unique topics to discuss. So it's pretty incredible. Whether you're at a dinner party or a networking event, or just hanging out with friends, party cues will guarantee a great time and depth of conversation. You can think of party cues as the ultimate wingman for your social life. I love whipping out the party news app and asking my friends or my husband, the questions that are here so that we can get to know each other even better. So the next time you're planning a get together a date, a Hangout, a one on one, anything where conversation is important, then don't forget to bring along party cues, which as a reminder is a free app that you can download right now on the App Store and on Google Play. So let the good times roll my friend, download the free app. I promise you, you'll love it. And how would you go about advising someone to get out of a shame spiral that they're feeling around food? Oh, gosh, that's, that's a tough one. I think having a support person is really important. So you need a relationship. It sounds like exactly able to get through this interesting. Yeah, but I love that because there really isn't anything we can ever do on our own. No, you know, and you're so much better together. We're all so much stronger when we're working together. So yeah, the only thing in my mind that you would have to lose by being vulnerable in In a conversation like that, is your pride. You know? Yeah. And what are you gaining? On the other side of that? There's a lot to gain Exactly. Someone or multiple people who want to walk alongside with you. Yeah. in it. You gain longevity. You gain energy, which is what I want to talk about next. And there's there's so much more and I just the depth of connection that can come over food and from food is so powerful when we channel it correctly. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. So I want to lean into energy versus like sluggish foods. Yeah. Because obviously, if you don't have energy, yeah, you're not showing up for your people. The same way? Absolutely. And that's important. Yes, yes. And I think that's, you know, Food is fuel. I think that's, you know, first and foremost, we always have to remember that, yeah, but we're gonna feel better eating some foods than other foods. And looking like you said, with that sluggishness, like, so often I have patients tell me, like, I just don't have any energy. And the first thing we talk about is okay, what are we eating throughout the day? That I mean, there's not a magic pill, you know, I'm not just gonna be like, Oh, take some vitamins, you know? Yeah, we got to look at what are we feeding our body? And what might give us more energy? Yeah. And there's no one food that's like, Oh, this is gonna give you so much energy. It's all it all goes back to that balance. Okay. And, you know, having a balanced diet of yes, we're including fruits and vegetables. Yes, we're including the whole grains. We're getting good sources of protein, good healthy fats. All that balance. Do we have the occasional you know, cupcake? Yeah. But are we still getting those beneficial nutrients from all of those food groups? I love that. So we're talking about balance, and we're talking about, you know, foods to give energy foods that make you sluggish. I want to get a little bit more granular. Yeah. How would you first simplify this for someone that is listening right now? And they're just like, okay, yeah, my relationship with food. Isn't that great? Like, what? What can I do about it? Yeah, yeah, that's a great question. I think keeping it simple is first and foremost. So maybe start with one meal. So whether it's breakfast, lunch, dinner, pick a meal to start with, and, you know, just break it down. So do I have a fruit? or vegetable? Okay. Okay. Those are always things that we can include that are going to make us feel better. Should we include for instance, just because you said, Yep. Kit? Should we include fruits and vegetables with every meal? Or what are the things that we should have consistently in every meal? Yeah. I would recommend a fruit or vegetable or both at every meal. Okay. Gotcha. I know. I can People tell me all the time, like how am I supposed to eat a vegetable breakfast, but it is possible it is you throw some spinach? Yeah. Eggs. Delicious. I love it. Um, the other thing we want to think about is protein. Okay, so whether that's from meat, whether it's from eggs, whether it's from nuts and seeds, or even cheese has protein, any of those things? Am I getting some good protein because that's going to help keep us full, longer. Okay, so that satiety, that is so important to kind of reach at meals. The other thing is, which this is usually controversial, because the whole like low carb, keto, all that we need some carbohydrates, okay, we can't not eat carbs. Right? I'm not gonna tell you to cut out bread or anything like that. Yeah, but look at, you know, the quality of our carbohydrates. And, you know, again, it's okay, if you really want that slice of white bread have the piece of white bread. But all you know, those kind of make up a well balanced meal. Okay. And you said good protein. I want to double click on that for ya. Because Jared and I have talked in our episode about protein, but in your experience, what qualifies is good protein. Is it a certain amount? Is it a certain quality of like the meat, etc? Um, I would say a certain amount. But again, going back to keeping things simple. Don't overthink that. Okay. Did I eat? Even if it's only two bites? Did I eat some protein at that meal? Just keep it simple. And you can always improve on that like, sure. I like that. This is a starting point. Yes. Did I win today by eating protein? Yes, yes, exactly. Got it. Which that makes it A lot of sense because I think about days where, let's say I'm on the road, and I have like a sandwich for lunch and it has like two slices of turkey. Yeah. And then I have like, a possible for dinner and I was like, I'm Drew Reigate. Yes. Yeah. Because it's it's so unbalanced. It's so carb heavy, right? Which we're not saying carbs are bad. But it's so yes, you don't have the balance, we need that balance. And I talked about this every day with patients who have diabetes, because they're our main concern is controlling their blood sugars, which, you know, if you don't have diabetes, no, that's not your main concern, but it still applies. Okay, sure, we all have blood sugar, our you know, we all have blood sugars. We don't have to control them as much as somebody who has diabetes, but they still need to be controlled. Yeah. And that balance is just so so important. And lots of the research has shown us that the more consistent we are with meal to meal, so one meal is like all carbs than the next meal, all protein and then in a meal, maybe we have a little bit of each. That's not great for our bodies, that consistency. So having the same amounts of like, carbohydrates, and protein at each meal is actually better for us. Interesting. So that consistent because our body knows what to expect. So it knows like, Hey, this is coming. Hey, this is like because it's adapting. Yes. Got it. So when we're like, yo, yo, and all over the place, so where's our body? Because our body's like, oh, I don't know. And that kind of goes back to, you know, when we are fasting and things like that. Or if our body doesn't know when our next meal is it's going to hang on to everything at God and not burn many calories. So, you know, storing the fat, you're saying yes. Wow. And you know what else that impacts that I've experienced? Is your emotional state? Yes. Which is dangerous it is. Because let's let's just talk about like hanger for a second. Yeah, you don't want to be anywhere near me, right. And that also can lead to the overeating because we get so so hungry, that then we're like, eating everything in sight. And it's like, I can't get enough and we consume so much in a short period of time. I'm 100% guilty of that. I mean, we all like it's like, I can't say I can't walk. Yes. Yeah. So again, it all goes back to that balance. And moderation. You know, I know, these are words that people probably hear all the time. But it really is true, like, the extremes of either way, are usually not good for the long term. Now, I want to talk about calories if you don't mind. Yeah, especially as women, the word calorie seems to be a trigger for all of us. And I don't really know, like, how it started and why it's the case. But it seems like and correct me if I'm wrong, it seems like what you're saying isn't actually as much about calories, as it is about the portions and the types of food and what you're eating. Yeah. And at the end of the day, to lose weight, you need to consume less calories than you burn that I mean, that's just basic weight loss, if that's your focus. So yes, calories do matter, but I don't when we're sitting, counting every single calorie that's not having a healthy relationship with our food. So I think taking it a step back and like higher level, like thinking higher level instead of so tediously thinking about every single calorie that we put in our body. Yeah. And having that balance is so like you just said like, that's so much more important. Making sure we're including all of those food groups is more important than Oh, did I hit my calorie goal today? Yeah. No, that makes so much sense. And I'm thinking about the person now who so for instance, I just had a friend have twins. And so her body has obviously been through a ton. Yeah, like, everything changes. Oh, yeah. Go through pregnancy. Oh, yeah. And, you know, I think about anybody who has also maybe gone through a traumatic event, like a loss of a loved one there. There is a lot that your body goes through and goes into. What do people in those instances need to remember about food besides just remembering to eat period like, yeah, it is important for them for your body to not just survive in that moment, but end up thriving through it. Yeah. That's a tough one. Because, you know, sometimes getting through the day for people who are going through, whether it be pregnancy, whether it be having twin newborns, I can't imagine a newborn in itself is having one day Yeah, and you are truly just I need to get through the day. And like you said that remembering to eat and nourish our body is important. And maybe that's, you know, a peanut butter sandwich or leftover, whatever it is. Maintaining that healthy relationship with food is very difficult during those times. I mean, it just is. And I would never want somebody to get too wrapped up into trying to check all these boxes related to Fisher's at that last thing you can think about. Yeah, at that point in your life. That's, that's not what's on your mind. Yeah. But on the flip side, you have to have the energy to show up for your newborns or for your loved ones or for your job, whatever it might be, you know, like you mentioned, like a dramatic time, like when you're just trying to get through the day. Yeah. And so, gosh, I would say, just focus on going back to, you know, basics. Did I have carbohydrates? Did I have protein every time I ate, and just like, keep it, keep it simple. And, you know, keep easy things around, whether it's a protein bar, or you know, and have an apple, whatever it is, yeah. If you ate three times a day, yeah, that's a win. Yeah, that's a win someday. And that's okay. And that's really bringing into focus what you said about the Food is fuel, because I so often don't think about it as much as that is like, Oh, my stomach's telling me. I'm hungry. Let's go. But then sometimes it's like that grinstein. I'm like, Am I just eating because I'm bored. But it is important to think about that is like our body is the engine. Yes. We need to fill it appropriately. Yeah. With what's going to give this engine the longevity it needs. Yes. Living in this age of the world where science is so crazy. And we're able to make and create all of these new foods, which seems kind of like mind bending, you know? Yeah, like generations past can imagine we're creating new foods, not new meals, not new recipes, new foods. Yes. In general. Here's what I would love to hear your take on. Okay. Because there are all these new foods coming out. For instance, I talked about this mac and cheese like, Yes, this one brand is like, chickpea 15 grams of protein, blah, blah, blah. And the stats look good. Yes. Do the stats tell the whole story when it comes to food? Or do we need to be careful because of the amount of ingredients that make sense? That's possible. Just help me understand that a little better? Yeah, yeah. Um, I would say it probably is good. Like, it's not like going to be bad for you or anything like that. Yes. I know. It's weird to see all these new foods, but that's meant, you know, it's made by the diet industry and things like that, and to be like mac and cheese. But when I'm craving mac and cheese, I want some Kraft mac and cheese. I don't want the chickpea pasta. Rice. Yes. So I think, you know, again, going back to that healthy relationship, we've got to have that balance between like, our hunger, our fullness, but also our pleasure. So like that is a part of having a healthy relationship with food is the pleasure is finding the joy in it. Yes, exactly. So if you're craving mac and cheese and you go and have the bowl of the chickpea, I can't say that I've ever tried it, but mac and cheese like, is that satisfying that craving right? And if it is great, like that's a great option. But if it's not, and we're still wanting the mac and cheese that we had in childhood, yeah, that nostalgic mac and cheese, then we're still going to want that. Yeah. So I think again, having that balance of like, Yes, I'm going to make healthy choices all day. You know, that's great, but satisfying our cravings is sometimes important, too. Yeah. Well, so I want to dig into that. Yeah. When is satisfying cravings actually important. And how do you tow that line correctly without going overboard? But it's not easy, I would say yeah. But I think where it has to start is giving yourself permission. To have those foods, so it starts, you know, before you even have the craving for the mac and cheese or the cup, whatever that craving might be. It starts well before that and telling yourself, Hey, it's okay to eat those foods. And, you know, I think everybody's probably even as a dietitian, like, I struggled with this for many years about thinking like, I have to eat perfect all day, every day, like people are watching me Exactly. Like people always ask like, what do you eat every day? Yeah. Like, that's always something people want to ask a dietitian. So giving yourself permission saying like, it's okay to have those foods. And, again, going back to there's no good foods versus bad foods. Yeah, I think we really struggle. You know, as a society we struggle with, we have this list of foods that we all think like, Oh, these are healthy foods. These are good foods. Oh, these are unhealthy, bad foods. Like we shouldn't eat those. So then we do feel guilty when we go and get the chicken tenders. Like we feel guilty. Yeah. And I think we just, if we can get away from that, we would just have that balance. And because you're not going to be craving mac and cheese every day. Like it's just not going to happen. Yeah. And that's what's so beautiful about what you're saying is like you're not saying every day. And you're saying like occasionally. And I love that you're saying there's no good food versus bad food? Because I think when we take on that food identity, we become this is bad. Therefore I'm bad. Yeah. Yeah. Whereas what is it that? No, never. So you shouldn't be telling yourself that either. Right. I love that. I love that permission to give yourself grace and that moments Yeah. And also not like not even indulge as much as enjoy. Yeah, I think that's the thing. Yes, exactly. Dodging is like you're just like basking in it. Whereas enjoying is like you're like I'm really loving this moment. Yes, moment. And once I've had people tell me, like, once I told myself and allowed myself, hey, I can eat this. Like, I don't crave it as much as I thought. Like, I don't want the cupcake every single day. Like it's that cravings, not there. Yeah. And so I just think that's so important to allow yourself, hey, I can eat these foods when I want them. I'm there is you know, I'm not going to go overboard. I think everybody's so worried. Like, if I allow myself to have one cupcake. I'm gonna eat 12 Like, rarely how late do each one cupcakes? That would hurt my stuff. Exactly. Exactly. You're not gonna feel good. And you're gonna be like, Okay, I you know, I'm calling off work. All right, exactly. 12 Okay, terrible. Catch up today because I didn't dozen cupcakes, you know? When people get in the mindset, like, I'm gonna start on Monday. Like, that's a big Yeah. Why did we do that? I don't know. Do you think we're just like so into like, new sleigh? Yes, like clean slate, just like New Year's resolutions like, oh, January 1, like, I'm not eating this anymore. So then we go on a binge and eat every, like, that's not healthy, either. Yeah. So again, allowing ourselves like, hey, when there's a birthday party that I go to, like, I can have a piece of cake if I want it. Like, if I don't, I don't have to have it. But I'm gonna let give myself permission to have that piece of cake. I love that. So it's interesting. You're talking about this because I actually just talked about this in an episode where I was really down protein wise, and how much I was eating. And Jared, my husband was discussing this with me, and he's like, we gotta get your protein up. And he was just like, because I want you to have more energy. It wasn't like because you need to look good, because it was literally just like your allergies down. What can more protein do for you? Yes. And I have this ice cream addiction. Like every day, every night, I'd be like, I need ice cream. Yeah. So I started eating more protein. And naturally, I stopped wanting ice cream every day. And I was mad at first I was like how dare you take I was trying to give you energy but it is crazy how it works whenever you fight for balancing yeah and going more in one direction of like what gives my body fuel Right exactly. And what makes me feel good? Yes. I think that's a big thing we forget it like it's great point. Yeah, we forget like you know if all you eat is fried foods, McDonald's when whatever fast food it is. Yeah, if that's all you're eating, he robbed you're not going to feel very good. Like you just, it's hard. Like, you're not gonna feel great. Yeah. And I think some people have lost sight on how good they could feel. Like so often it's like true. Oh, this is just how it is. is like, oh I a few years older, like, I'm just gonna be like, this is just how it is. Yeah. But I mean, it probably be better. And I think we need to fight for that and say like, okay, like, I don't feel great, like what needs to change? And how can I feel better and a lot of it can route back to the food that we're nourishing our body with for sure. And that's literally the crux of this whole episode is like your relationship with your health, your relationship with your food, yeah. impacts everything else. Oh, yeah. So I love this. And I guess I want to ask now a question for someone who is trying to fight for healthier options, and their life. And let's just say that, you know, they're in a family. And they're like, Okay, so like, in my family, nobody else really wants to do this thing that I'm trying to do. So they feel relatively unsupported. Yeah. What would your encouragement be to someone who's in that position right now, where it really feels like everything else is going against them? Yeah, yeah. And I come across this a lot. With patients where, and especially like, with a new diagnosis, it's like, oh, I need like, they're motivated now to make changes, because maybe they're newly diagnosed with diabetes, and they want to make those changes, but their family's like, oh, no, we're still going to, you know, get takeout every night, or I'm still going to drink my regular Coke, and you know, things like that. And I'm that for you, it is very, very hard. And I always just encourage people to if your family is not supporting, and just not there. And so it takes time, like people can stay in that kind of pre contemplation or range for a long time, is looking outside your family. So whether it's a friend, another relative, you know, a neighbor, somebody at church, you know, like, whoever it might be, just start, you know, talking to people and find a support person, all you need is one. So, one support person. And that's an interesting challenge your brain to the table, though, and I, I actually really appreciate it. Because not only is this entire podcast about fighting for relationships, because you're worth having incredible relationships, but you're actually saying, if you are not supported where you are, go and make yourself even more uncomfortable. To make friends with people that will support you. Yeah, I think that's beautiful. Because it's showing that in every area, you do not need to settle. Right? And there. You're worth more than that. Absolutely. I love that so much. Absolutely. And you're gonna find like, you know, maybe it's you join a new gym and you find someone there go to a new class, or I mean, there are so many groups out there. And while you know, social media can have its negatives, I think that's one of the awesome things about social media, you can literally get on Facebook and find a group for anything. Whether it's so true. I have a golden doodle, and I want to find other people with golden doodle. Yes, there is a group on Facebook for you. I love it. So. So I like it's awesome that it's at, you know, on our phone that we can just like reach out and find support that way. And it doesn't have to be someone in our small community supporting us. It doesn't have to be Yeah. So so interesting, because support groups are super unique. Yeah, a sense of you can actually get that fight to go one more day, with a little dopamine hit, even from being in a social media group of someone just like motivating. Yeah, like somebody posted like this awesome new recipe, like, oh, wow, that looks great. I'm gonna try that. Yeah, like something as simple as that. Yeah. No, I love that. Because if you're finding that there isn't anybody immediately near you, one, don't give up because in person relationships are the most important. But in the meantime, as a supplement, yeah. Look on social media. Yeah, but I'm really doing the work. I also does. I don't think it hurts to talk to your family. I mean, don't give up on them. Yeah. So wow, express to them. Like why that's important to you, like, Hey, I'm really trying to make these changes, because I want to reduce my risk of heart disease, whatever your y is, share your y with them. And that might be all it takes to motivate them. Yeah. To support you. So yeah, don't don't give up on your family. Just because at first glance, it's like, oh, they're not really supporting me. So why I'm not going to do this either. Yeah. I think that's so beautiful. Because even in that conversation, You're not saying I want all of us to do the following. Yeah. You're just saying, Hey, this is what I'm choosing to do. And this is why I believe is important. And that just changes the entire optics of the conversation. Yeah. Because nobody should hear that, and feel threatened. Right. Right. So I think that's, that's great. So because this podcast is about building relational wealth, and we're just talking about relationships, how to have them, right, I want to know, in your opinion, what are the three most important characteristics and traits you actually look for in your relationships? That's a great question. One, I would say passionate. Oh, I love it. Whether you know, you're passionate about your job, your, you know, loved ones. I think having that passion is really important. For sure. Um, another one, I would say is trustworthy. So I feel like that one explains itself. Yeah, for sure. But the interesting caveat with trustworthy is you have to trust somebody. Yeah. Before you find if they're trustworthy or not. Yes, that is true. Third, I would say humor having a sense of humor? Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. That is important. Just to get through life. I feel like you need a sense of humor. And that is a big one. Yeah, absolutely. I like people that can make me laugh. I do too. Yeah. What is the world without laughter? Exactly. People are listening to this. And they might be feeling a lot of different things. Whether it's like, actually, I'm doing better than I thought I couldn't do this. Or you're on the other hand, and you were thinking, Okay, I definitely binge, I definitely do all of these things. And I want to learn how to be more balanced. What would your encouragement be to that person? Well, first, don't give up. And kind of like we talked about earlier is, start simple. And always remember, tomorrow's a new day. Like we don't have to start on a Monday. We can start on a Tuesday. We can start on a Wednesday night, a Saturday morning, whatever it is, tomorrow's a new day. And just if you felt like you messed up today, which you didn't, we can try again tomorrow. I love that. And you know what else I love that you said is it's not even like New day, new page kind of thing. Yeah. You're actually saying start with one meal. Oh, yeah. So if you're like, Oh, my breakfast wasn't great. Exactly. Oh, lunch is in four hours. Here we go. How can we do better? I love that. I love that mentality. Yeah. Because it's not even about winning the day because sometimes winning the day for people is just like overwhelming. Yeah, yeah. When the next meal? Exactly. Or snack. Yeah, there we go. Yeah. Do you have an afternoon snack? Make it a great one. Make it make it a great one, folks. We'll see you next week. And thank you for the humor you have just ended the podcast with today. I've loved this conversation. It was actually really challenging for me, and I really appreciate that. I really appreciate your expertise. And thank you. Thanks for watching accident. Thank you so much for listening to this X. What if I say thank you so much for listening to this episode of accidentally intentional. We'll see you next time. There we go. You can just cut it and make it a great one. Make it a great one. It feels like an Eaton Park commercial. As a reminder, make sure you download what I consider the ultimate sidekick for deepening your connections. It's the party cues app the number one app for conversation starters. 2000 hand selected questions that you can use at any moment to make meaningful conversations with people that you care about in your life. As a user of this app myself, I can promise you that your conversations will be taken to the next level. With this tool. Download it for free using the link in the description which will take you to Google Play or the App Store.