Our Love/Hate Relationship With Exercise (And How It Impacts ALL Other Relationships, For Better Or Worse): Roundtable Episode with Fitness Coaches Jarad Coleman and Mackenzie Te'o | Relational HEALTH Series

70% of people do not have a single person that they can call in the middle of a crisis. Let's face it, we are relationally broke. And my mission is to make that percentage zero. But how? By building relational wealth, the embodiment of all your relationships with yourself with others and experiences that enrich your life. I promise you this podcast will help you build wealth in every way that money cannot. And it all starts by being accidentally intentional. Let's begin. What is up everyone? Welcome back to another accidentally intentional podcast episode. This is a special edition because this is the first roundtable we've ever had on the podcast. And I got my girl, Ken's here. Okay. And my husband, Jared, we have seen these two already on their individual episodes. And I wanted to bring them together so that you can hear a dynamic conversation between three different viewpoints about fitness so that you know that fitness isn't just getting swole, right? It's so much more than that. And so I'm really excited about this conversation today. Because you already know them. We've already talked about as you know, at the beginning of the podcast, we're bringing it around relational wealth. So we're in this relational health series, as in your relationship with your health. And you both already answered the most important attributes you look for in relationships, but I'm going to flip it on you're both I actually want to start this conversation about the attributes and characteristics you look for in your clients because you're both fitness coaches. So tell me tell me about that. Ken's kick it off for us. I think the number one thing that I'm looking for in a client is just somebody who is open yes to being adjustable and open to learning. And just having that flexible nature of like, Yeah, let's give it a try. You know, yeah, yeah, that's adaptation. That's my number one as well. I can't that's number one. I don't want someone to just say yes to everything adaptation is necessary. We all change. We're all gonna grow together. I promise you what you think you're starting with is not definitely what you're ending with. It will always be different adaptation number one mode you have to though for number two, can I put somebody who's joyful can that be my number two was literally just want to have a really good time. Yeah, that's it. I want fitness to be a ton of fun. I want to laugh and I want to cheer and celebrate and do victory laps if we need to. That is my favorite part. So I was my second legitimately my first thing I was thought it was I need outstation. I need someone who's positive because it's joyful or positive. And so I mean, speak to in between sets. Sometimes we will literally play ping pong or something through fitness because it brings us joy. And we're doing something that let's face reality, right? We all do not want to worry if I didn't have to workout I wouldn't. I would just eat doughnuts, right? That's the That's the perfect line. Why are you all finished? I don't get it me the glaze. Let's go guys. But realistically, we would not do this. No one wants to go down and do it. So we have to make a joyful and that's why you have to do things we'd love and then we have to do things that are sustainable. So yes, adaptation and positive and like you said, Joy, I think is the better word. I definitely need joyfulness, what's the third, I think being willing to grow and more than just your physical stature. I think having the desire to grow in your mental strength is something that I really admire in people because I think it's really hard to find. And it's really hard to cultivate that. Like as many times as you can give your body a physical wrap, you're also giving your mind that mental rep. And it's important to train your mind because you speak to yourself more than anybody speaks to you during the day. So literally, today is a perfect example I did not want to work out today just I didn't feel well this morning and I did it and there was an entire 10 minutes, just straight, I went straight through and I was doing pistons. And every time that I pulled my arm back, I said to myself, I am strong. I am strong. I am strong. I am strong. I am strong. I am strong. Over and over again. I was whispering it to myself out loud because I needed to hear that Yeah, and I was practicing in that moment of like I need to have these mental reps I need to be strong mentally because my body does not want to do this right now. But if my body can catch up to my mind and sometimes you need to fake it till you make it you know by the end of that that my workout session I felt amazing you know it was so worth it to put that in but I needed to have that mental strength. So whenever I see that in somebody I'm like oh we're gonna go far you're gonna reach your goals like that easy. XO talk about she said growth. Episode Two growth was a big part of what people thought they actually want in a relationship. So speak about growth for a second before I give my third because mine is gonna be obviously pretty close to it. But what do you think about that? I mean, Just hearing you talk about how you speak life into yourself. And that obviously speaks to a growth mindset that you have to have. Because if you are someone that wants joyful, positive relationships, nobody who's actually joyful and positive is looking at Debbie Downer down the street, negative Nancy, on the parallel street being like, that's the kind of friend I want. So I love that you're even speaking life into yourself, because that's so imperative. And also, as a side note, she speaks this over her daughter, and it's the cutest thing ever. Her daughter doesn't even talk yet. And they talk at night about how she says I'm strong, and she pounds her chest. And I love that. Yeah. So tell mama who's worried she could? Ah, she does. She has like little roar that she does. It's so sweet. She does it with a whole sentence. They say what's your chest? Ah, think of the girl. She's amazing. Think of the growth that builds though. So okay, I'm strong doesn't just mean I can lift away. Right? I'm strong. Yeah, so when the first steps happen? She's not sure. Okay. I can do it. Yes. First time going to school. I don't know these people. What am I I'm strong. I'm good. When I hear that mental strength part, I see so many people that enter the physical world of fitness. And they say I can't do things, right. I can't do a pull up. I can't do a push up. Right. I can't do this over the long term. I cannot eat pizza. Well, the reality is, there's something you can do, right? And the person who says that they're strong, and they're not weak, and the person that says that they can versus they can't, they will sustain that fitness, just speaking fitness. But what about the sustainability of life that they get out of? Yes. What else can you sustain? So when you start to say, I can do things? Okay, well, now, when you're going on that first date, or you're trying to have a hard conversation with your spouse, or you're trying to have that really tough conversation with a mother or father, right? Pat your chest, I'm strong. Yes, I'm strong. And I can do that. So it's interesting how we got to episode two a lot. I just that really stuck with me because I took that test. And it really caught me off guard as to what am I and what do I want. And then I looked at it from every aspect of my life. Yeah. And here I am with fitness saying, Oh, my goodness, actually, what I want here is kind of what I want other places too. And then what I bring to my fitness over a journey, because just like you don't want to do it all the time. And there's times where I even was at the point where I just want to quit, and you keep going, I'm strong, I can do it. And now I'm at a point of where habit crept in, and it's starting to flow in other parts of my life. Usually the thing that stops people in their fitness journey, New Year's resolutions side is mindset. So I guess I want to know, as fitness coaches, have you taken a client that's had a negative mindset and been able to work through it with them, like what needs to happen in order to bring someone from here to flip it on them until the point that they believe in themselves? Like what is what does that look like? Yeah, it's it's, for sure, dedication on on both ends, right? Like, if I'm dedicated to guiding coaching, encouraging you, you need to be open to that encouragement and accept that encouragement. And then you need to be open to doing the work with me. Because I am, I am happy to have you ever thrown your arm around me, let me carry you for a little while. But at some point in time, we're going to need to strengthen your legs, you know, so I had a client, I'm so proud of her. We've worked really hard on that mental aspect. And we went as far as like, Girl, I sent her sticky notes, probably 25 of them with encouragement. And I said, I want you to put these all over your house, on your fridge, on your mirror, in the bathroom, in your shower, like literally everywhere in your closet, like anywhere that you can think of on your front door on your back door. And I want you to speak these truths over yourself every single day. I had also sent her a blank, no, sticky notepad, and I had her write her own. And hers was just I am loved. And over and over again. Like 25 times she wrote I am loved, I am loved. I am loved I am loved. And then she framed it all around her bathroom mirror and she sent me a picture of it. I'm gonna cry. And I was like, Girl, that's why we do what we do you know what I mean? Like that. That is why because I want you to get up in the morning. I want you to believe that and you can but you have to do the work like your you have to strengthen your mentals. We we use the practicality with our body all the time. I cannot lift a 20 pound dumbbell and do a bicep curl yet, yet, right? So you're willing to commit to let's start with five. Let's move up to eight. Let's go to 10 Right, so you're willing to commit then when you hit that 20 You're so strong and proud of yourself. You have to and get to do that same exact thing with your mentors. Maybe you don't believe that you're loved yet, but I'll be if you got that plastered all over your house. You will believe that very soon. How's that person today? She's crushing it, girlfriend. crushing it. So so proud of her. Maybe habits weren't there to begin with, but as she is, right, what like is the progression work? Yes. It's amazing. Like she's so self aware now, right? Like she you can I can tell I can always see it in her when we're training she is having that wrestle in her mind on her own. Right? Like, I don't have to call it out anymore. I don't have to, I don't have to see her struggling and then know that it's my responsibility to speak life over her, I can watch her feel big get like the temptation to feel defeated, and watch her combat it on her own, right, like there's and then watch her crush the rest of that set. There's nothing like it in the world, nothing like it. I love that. And that's also a pro tip in any relationship, walk alongside people, and if they don't believe it for themselves, speak life into him. And that was the perfect thing to pass the baton of. Now you write it down. And I'm going to encourage you with it. And this is something you do really well with me, like, obviously, in our marriage, but you're both life giving people and it's so important. Because at first people don't believe it for themselves. And that's obviously that's the hardest part is you're you're both sharing stories of how there came this cataclysmic moment where you're like, I'm done with this. Yeah. And that's what happened. But sometimes, you got to walk with people who aren't even recognizing they want to change yet. But even just how you live is an example of like, dang, I did that. I haven't done that, too. I mean, like you have motivated me in fitness and made it so much more about the journey than the destination, you both are so good at this, like, you're both such huge proponents of the fact of your workout doesn't need to fit in this 45 minute box, it does not mean three sets of 10 times 15 times. It can be a seven minute walk. Yeah, if that's all you can do, it can be four minutes of squats. And that's so encouraging, because it throws out the parameters that who only knows came up with it doesn't even make sense. It makes it more of like, this is a holistic This is a lifestyle. This is me attainable. Yes. Yeah. You're not stuck in that box. And I left the sticky note of your client. I've walked into a bathroom of my then girlfriend and then fiance now wife, and I saw sticky note after sticky note of life being written into her own life. And that mean that's even you in a sense of writing that down. So it's funny that that might be for you out there. That might be something you want to start doing. And by the way, that counts as fitness. Right? Yeah. Because your people are like, No, I'm if I'm not doing something actively, I'm not doing something. Oh, no, no, no, that started your fitness journey. Because you're now talking life into yourself. And you're actually building yourself up. Boy, that's a bigger step than anything and speaking to my client that I have, and I'm just gonna shout him out because he wants to he wants his story out there. So I'm gonna shout him out. So Luke took one full year of just trying to stay positive in his own mind. It wasn't even about the workout. It wasn't guys, it was not even about the workout. The Workout literally was the last thing that mattered. The first thing was the feeling of I'm worthless in my clothes. Yeah. Because I'm big. I'm worthless to other people. No, you're not no one. Zo would say no one told you that Who told you that? And he just had this mental block before we could even get into fitness of what being healthy mindset for his children looked like Yeah. And about six months, it started to turn and positivity setting. And then it started to go on his own and just start working out. And I find that to be interesting, because and then it became compliments to himself. Yes. Wow. What a what an impact in his own life at that point. So now after one full year, now we're on a normal workout regimen. So when you're sitting there thinking, like I'm trying to find what works for me what doesn't work for me, it took a year of just the mental part of the game. To get there. Think about that. That's just amazing. Yeah, it's so eye opening because I know and I've fallen victim to the trap of like, Alright, I want to look good for for instance, the wedding day, I have 120 days to go. Let's get it. You guys want to speak to that? Oh, I do the sustainability of it. I do so like they're the number one thing that we'll all agree on for sure. It's not sustainable. So your 30 Day Fix is your 90 day whatever your 75 Hard whatever you're doing. I just if I'm sorry to be blunt, I'll be the one of the three of us stop doing it. I encourage you that I love that fitness is part of your lifestyle and I love that you're doing something so that's awesome, right? That's awesome. But at the same time, it's not sustainable. And let's just take a person who is doing a workout for 30 days 60 days whatever a diet that's not sustainable. I'm gonna eat nothing but greens. They will regain the weight at Are you ready for this? 92% clip 92% of people 92% of people regain the weight that they lost, because they didn't find the sustainability. So what is sustainability? I think that's a question. So let me just sustainability for me. I'm not a jogger, I do not like jogging. I do not jog at all. A walk with my beautiful wife is actually sustainable. And I love dogs. So if I see a dog out there, I get even more excited. And I would just love to do that. So if you're a dog owner, walk with your dog is sustainable. Yeah, there step one. Okay. What is it? What is sustainable path for you? Yeah, I mean, that's what I wanted to speak to that because I feel like people are listening to you too. And they're like, Okay, well, I'm not a fitness coach. Okay, neither am I. So let me tell you what sustainability looks like to me. I work out two days a week, but it's considered three because Jared has shifted my mindset. Because one of my three days a week is physical therapy, because I have a lot of injuries from my past with a stunt career. And you know what, that's actually keeping my body together. And I used to be so against that, because I was like, first off, you need to sweat. Number two, you need to get sore. Okay, number three, need to get swole. Meanwhile, obviously, I would fall off the wagon, like a couple of weeks in because I was like, screw this. But then when we talked about what sustainability over the long haul means and how your body this is, what was mind blowing to me is that you taught me that if you work out two days a week, if you're starting from basically nothing if you work out two days a week, your body treats your two days a week the same as it does four or five days a week, which is like mind blowing to me. Yet people people references the newbie gains, right? Everyone says like the new person in the gym has the newbie gains that is 100% true. And it's because our CNS is what adapts our body, okay, or CNS, the central central nervous system. Thank you. I'm scientific. And I love it. Because what we try to do when we do this January fix when we do all these things that are fast and furious, right, we're all in. So we're sending the signal to our body, think of little minions in your body, just like these little minions that are in your body growing muscles and whatnot. And you go to your body after doing nothing for years, six days a week, you start working out, right, your body's trying to adapt not to build you muscle make you look great from Miami, it doesn't know you're going there doesn't know anything's coming up your body is just saying like what's going on Jarrods doing something I need to adapt, here's what we're going to do build the metabolic rate up, if I'm putting on muscle. Or if I'm just doing cardio, only take away his fat and his muscle because it's gonna eat both and use it so we can keep him alive. We don't know why he's burning so many calories we don't understand. So to a new person who's working out, I would never unless they absolutely love it. My brother was a marathon runner, I would encourage him, but to a person who absolutely hates cardio, I would have them just walk and do something they love once or twice a week. And that could be if it was me, I would say strength training because I think that's just the biggest bang for the buck. But if you hate strength training, no, it's not. If you're a swimmer, I tell you to swim. If kickboxing is your thing, I tell you to kickbox if and I mean this sincerely, because a lot of my clients tell me this, if you work a physical labor job, or you do something once a week, and say you're giving your time and you're digging holes at the local park before the new swing set that's coming in. That's a workout. Right? That absolutely speak to that's that's why that is a workout that is a workout. I don't get it, you couldn't be more right in saying that I am thinking of all the clients that I've worked with. And usually whenever I get somebody who hasn't worked out for a significant amount of time, I'll start them off one or two times a week. And honestly, we spend the first 10 to 15 minutes, just stretching. And then we'll do like a 30 minute workout. And then we'll spend the next 10 minutes or so stretching. Because I really think that it's important to honor what your body is kind of being could feel like it's being shocked into. I work out with a lot of or I train a lot of moms and, man, there's that stigma of like, I've got to have my workout clothes on. I've got to sweat, I've got to burn calories. And I have to feel sore the next day. And I I actually worked with a mom who was a pretty much a permanently stay at home mom, she didn't have a vehicle. She couldn't go anywhere. She didn't really have any weights or anything. But she had a toddler and I said Oh girl, you have more than you know, you have a weight, you have a weight and you have you have a buddy you have somebody that you can just play with. So I said, I want you to play hide and seek with your kid or tag for 20 minutes a day. Yes. And she did and she started to see results. And so that was so encouraging and beautiful to me is that you don't need to and if you do it in your jeans, do it in your jeans. You know what I mean? Like your body doesn't you don't burn calories or not burn calories based on what you're wearing. However, you can make it work. That's what you need to do. You know, so I'm a science nerd. I I need Listen, what was just said is 100%, factually true in every single way, every science will back that up. I need to make sure people aren't out there saying like, no, that's just you're just fluffing it up. Because no, no, no, that's 100% True, I cannot stress that enough. That is so important. And what I love about that is they connect, the child and the mother now have connection time to so what it's are we not just building a great mother child relationship with Him that so even if you have a friend that you let's say life changing, so maybe you can speak to this, uh, you know, you got married, so your life has changed, my life has changed. You have a child, so your life has changed. So maybe a walk with our spouse or a walk with a friend is not only are we getting two things for one we are getting a fitness workout in. But we're also getting a little bit of emotional time. And I think we need to let loose and talk and then we're doing two things at once. So think about it from the relational perspective. Maybe you have lost weights with even a neighbor. Yeah. Call them up. Yeah, time to go for a walk 15 minute walk, you're gonna get so much benefit out of that. And the one just one more comment to that more is not more. In fitness, everything we do more money is more money so we can spend more money, right? Well, in fitness, it doesn't work that way. Yeah, more is not more than fitness, you do not actually get more gains for more work, your body will have a rate of return that does not give you anything back. In fact, you will injure yourself. So you will take away from your body. Especially if you're coming off a surgery. So zo is an amazing stunt woman. She has some shoulder tears from some of the work that she has done. If I make her lift six days a week, not only will here's a couple things that will happen from that. So this is how much it can go into your relationships. Right? You will be depressed because what you're gonna do is injure yourself. I was mad at you. Making me do that. Exactly. And then so okay, but think about that, realistically, your relationship with Me starts to falter. Yeah. Now Ken's comes over for coffee, and she loves bringing joy to people's lives. Well, you're miserable because you're injured. Now your friend is feeling something from that. Okay. And then what else happens at work? You don't want to stay on the meeting. 10 minutes longer. Now your work relationships are affected by Wow, what a full circle just from finding sustainability. So when you're like, I only have 13 minutes a week to give to fitness. Okay, yeah, sign up to one of these three people right here because I will make your 13 minutes worthwhile. Yeah, I think there's so many aspects of this that become not just important. Paramount. Yeah. Because, first off, if you don't even feel healthy enough to check in on your people. There's a lot more it's going to suffer than just your physical well being. But along with that we talked about in episode two, how certain actions create a you casting a vote for yourself. So when you do things like and I love that you were like, call up the neighbor and be like, Hey, let's go on a 15 minute walk. You didn't say he do you think we just want to go over? Like, would you be willing to go for a walk? Just be like, Hey, let's go for a walk. Yeah, people are just like, oh my god, I'm being invited somewhere. Someone thought about me. One you're casting a vote for I'm someone who makes fitness a priority physically, and relationally. And that's so important. No, let's say someone didn't get to that friend level yet. But there, there's someone who just loves to give back to the community. Okay, you have an older neighbor, you have a lawnmower, when the summer cut their grass, not only is that a workout, you're doing something amazing for someone who might need it. And you're gonna say something to Well, I was just gonna, I was gonna partner that with the 8% of people that make it sustainable from the from the 3090 days, because it's 75 hard, like, it's the it's a relationship. I was actually it's I'm so glad that you said that. Because in my mind, I'm like, Oh, well, I've talked to two people today, actually, who that worked for and then. So I was like, um, I don't know that I agree with him. But then when you said that 8%. And then as we're talking about the relationship, that is what immediately came to my mind is that the reason that those two people were successful was because they did it with a group of people, or they did it with their best friend. Oh, cool. So they were growing in their relationships they were growing in, and motion creates a motion, right? So there's always that like, you're you just finished this amazing workout, you're in the car with your your friend, and just feelings start coming out. You know, like the sense of vulnerability because you don't do when you do a workout with somebody of any kind, whatever it is, whether you're double teaming the yard that you're mowing, or if you're taking a kickboxing class. If you're doing it with somebody, man, you feel like you've gone through war with someone. And there are a few things to be like that vulnerable and that connected in and so you feel safe to then connect relationally Yeah, right. Like it's so much bigger than just just that. That 45 minutes, right? Yeah, like it's bigger. Oh, it's way bigger. Yeah, great. Yeah. No, that's awesome. Yeah, I love something you said and I never thought about this before. But so many of us get into this, like excited. We're gonna start something new, that this is a priority, and then they treat it like They're on a dating app with fitness wiping. Yeah. And they're like, actually, that didn't. didn't do it for me. When really fitness didn't give up on you. Fitness was was trying to hang the whole way. Yeah, you gave up on it. And that is like self reflection station. Yeah. Because you have to find some if Fitness is important to you, right? This is obviously you were talking to or if you want to make fitness, important to you, you have to find that thing that makes you stay committed in the same way that you want to stay committed in your literal relationships. Yeah, you will. Let's talk about that. So let's just take so from your survey that you did give me just give me one or two traits that people want in a friendship. Oh, hysterically the number one want was Ride or Die mentality. Okay. Well, with fitness people ride and then die. So is that loyalty working out for you? That's a true. So once again, we did define what rider die means. So okay, here, here's how rider die works in fitness. Right? So my rider die in fitness is now that I'm married. When I work out, when I work out, I put the mindset, right, I'm not just working out for myself anymore. I'm working out for my wife. Because the longer I can live a longer I can provide, the longer I can be a part of this journey. It's incredible. So now I define rather die, right or die. This doesn't mean I work out seven days a week for one month and quit right or die means okay, here's my focus is now I understand we want the aesthetics, let that come let that follow. It's fine. Let it follow. So a couple things I want. I want to sleep better. I want to be a more positive person. I want to move better. Because if you have a child, maybe you can speak to this. And your child's running after you what what does this look like when you pick them up? That's a shrine press, right? You're using your core, you're using those things that you're doing. So what that looks like to me, and just to share quickly, you know, my father had cancer. And when he had two grandchildren, and my father, we worked on basic fitness stuff. And he was able to go to his knees and play with his grandkids and it was one of the coolest fitness wins I've ever seen in my life. Because that changed my mind forever. Of Oh, wow. Okay, so let's say I have a six pack and I go to Miami. Okay, I look cool. And just to be blunt, too. I have a beautiful wife. And she is supporting me whether I have that or not. And it's not to say that I can just be lazy if that's not true. But your hearts for me. We did not make vows. But as long as Jared has at least three and a half ABS we are together that doesn't exist in life. Right? So like our vows are so much more there's so much sacred. So why do we treat things so differently? We treat fitness as almost if it's like not even a dating app even like worse than that we seriously just like spam mail it's like them and work for a second that but but with your kid when when you're how much fitness do you do that? You don't even know you do? Oh my gosh. Just holding her. She's so heavy. She's gonna be like 35 pounds now and so much she is she is she's strong. So even like tonight, I was cooking dinner and I was holding her in one arm because she loves to help me cook. And so I was cooking with my left. I was like dang girl. Let me switch sides. My biceps, because I did arms today is killing me, because she's so heavy. But that that just made me think of my sister in law. She just had her fourth. Oh, wow. She is a champ. She is amazing. And throughout her whole pregnancy, we talked about doing proper core breathing exercises. So that will help continue fitness, which counts as fitness. Yes, yes. Yes. Thank you for saying that. Because it does. And it's hard work. And people think that when you're sitting on the couch or or doing dishes, and you're doing these breathing exercises that I'm giving these mamas that it's not but it is. And she saw the difference, because when she had baby Ruby, she had a three finger separation in her core. And after doing all of this breathing, she brought her core back together. And this is why it's important. Now because our core is back together, but because she and and the way that she did it was she was super intentional and all of her daily life activities. So when she bent down to pick up her ADOS half year old, she was exhaling and tightening up her core before she picked him up. What happens specifically with moms because you know, that's kind of my heart is when the ABS separate anytime that you flex. So if you bend down to pick something up and you're not, you don't have your mind on your body, your your transverse abdominals, abs underneath are coming through your rectus abdominals. So like your eight pack, right? So these are separated, it's pointing through and you're actually doing more damage because you're pushing your eight pack out simply from picking up your two year old the wrong way. Yeah. But if you can put your mind on your core, then you're doing several things you're working out because you're you're squatting Yeah, and you're doing a hammer curl, right? And if you really want to get fancy, we're here right? So now we've done an overhead press. So we've done three movements in one and you've protected and are working on pulling those jobs back together. So it's vital that we don't write that kind of stuff off. off because all of it matters. And it matters that you pick up your kid the right way and that you can get down on the floor. Yeah. What is your father's scenario? I mean, that's so such a precious moment because he worked for it. And it's important that they can do it. So to me, we all know at least one person, you know, someone at home that can't move. And just think of how it affects relationships, right? Like, how does it affect mother, child, father, child, brother, something of that nature, maybe the football game and Thanksgiving you can't do? There's just so many different things that happen and you're not part of it. It just affects such a big part of our day. And I don't think we give that enough credit. So in our fitness world, we want to find what's going to work for that individual. So I cannot stress enough. Find what works for you and counted as a positive and successful way of doing fitness. Don't just do it. I do don't just do it. Kansas, don't just do it. XO does. Let's find something that works for you. And crush it. Let's go. Yeah, speaking of finding something that works for you, I want to hear from both of you. What is the most shocking thing you learned about your relationship with yourself? Through fitness, I quick I played hockey, I was good at it and train very hard for years. So that was very young, very talented, very good. Went to college, sedentary job, put a little bit of weight on and was unhappy with myself. Let's just talk about that moment, right? Looking in the mirror. I hate myself losing my relationship with God losing my relationship with friends losing my relationship with anyone else, because I just didn't like the person I was looking at in the mirror from a pure aesthetic look. And when I did that, I said oh my goodness, you got change, not not from aesthetic. Just where did that mindset come from? This is not you. This is nothing that who taught you this? No one. I got down on myself from just that. Okay, so did I try the quick fixes first, You're darn right, jumped on Beachbody gave it a shot did this gave it a shot. And that trial and errors led me to the path that I needed to be on. So if you're out there and you're failing, yes, celebrate that moment. That's a beautiful failure moment. That's that's a teaching moment. And when you do that in your friendships and your relationships and everything else. That's a teaching moment. This is great. So where that journey went. And what it taught me is that I think in the first maybe even five years, I was chasing things that really didn't matter. Body image, body image, body image, right, wanted to make sure I had to look like the athlete play like the athlete do everything. Somewhere. It's like pushing that big rock inch by inch by inch. I was learning I was adapting. And I found life sustainability. And then I started realizing at 37. I'm playing hockey, and I'm keeping up with 1617 year olds. Yeah. And I'm sleeping better. Yeah. And I'm feeling better. And for some reason, I don't know why as though I'm treating people better. I wonder why? Because my relationship with myself was much better. Right? It starts with me. If I'm not happy with me, I'm going to let that bleed into every relationship. Absolutely. Yeah. So the, I have to say the most insane beyond anything I would have ever imagined thing that happened to me in fitness is just learning that you are absolutely worth it. And this is not some build you up moment, you are worth every second of it. And that you can do it. And you're only saying that because you do not believe that about yourself. And I did not believe that about myself when I started this journey. Right? And Ken's if you can't think of anything I can like, say what I've observed about you. Because if you listen to my episode with Ken's on a one on one, we shared about how our relationship was pretty like up and down when we were on a tour together prior to fitness becoming important to you. And I remember that you would want to be there for people. But mentally, you had a cap. Oh, yeah. And you were defaulted, put in a position of a leader. But I think even you say like looking back, you were not a healthy leader. Yeah. And that's not just about like the food that you were eating. Your mental space was not healthy. And because it wasn't healthy. You didn't love yourself. How can you love people if you don't love yourself? Now, you're a completely different woman like you are a powerhouse who wants to pour into people all the time. And guess what? You have the energy, you have the strength. You have that love that you're like Who else wants to be a mother to be you have 14 jobs to do? Yeah, amen. And you're and you're an incredible leader now. You're a healthy leader. You're like your life giving leader life giving friend life giving mom life giving wife life giving, like everything about you exudes life, strength, health, and leadership and all those roles. Yes. Thanks, guys. Yeah, girl, so we got your story. Yeah, she's gonna go with what they say oh, that is fine. Okay, so here's what I would love to do because you both come from very opposite spaces of the fitness world. You are into strength training, and then cardio here and there. Yours was A big type of cardio, which is bar and kickboxing. So there's probably things that you would love to know about each other's area of fitness. Ken's Is there a question that you would love to hear? Whether it's just a guy's perspective on or what Jared specialty is like, oh, let's open that up. Let's open it up. I get I yeah, I would love to know how, how you see the greatest growth in your clients specifically in strength training? Why is that your passion for them? Yeah. And it's, it's kind of funny because once again, and not just saying this, it kind of bleeds into their life after that, too. So, in strength training Licious take, we're gonna take our major list, right like, like our squat deadlift, or bench press, or shorter press than a row. Those are your typical strength training movements. Those are the biggest bang for the buck movements. Let's just take the squat, everyone knows it. My client will train the squat many different ways. slow tempo, fast tempo, Sumo, single leg bunch of different ways. They'll practice and practice and practice the squat, they'll get stronger, and they will progress in squat. Okay, now take the word squat out there, right? Put the word husband, okay, they're going to practice being a husband, they're going to practice different scenarios of being a husband, they're going to practice that being a husband every single day, they're going to get better at being a husband every single day, they're going to start with the bar, they're going to build themselves up to 135 and more weight, they're going to be a better husband over time, over time, over time, when they quit, they become a bad husband, they become a bad squatter. So in strength training, I've noticed that progression progression, and most people will hear it as progressive overload is just one of the things that not only does it give that achievement of more weight that people like and the encouragement of it, it could mean more range of motion, it can mean a lot of things. But that progression just I can't. It's almost like the weight by the time we're done with the progression stops being the main point of it. And it's they're just seeing these benefits out of life that are progressing as well. Yeah. So good. I love that answer. Yeah, I have the craziest one. So the strength training meatheads that I work out with. You said something today, and this is this was what caught my attention. You have a 35 pound child that you're lifting. But there's a stigma at new beginner fitness for let's say, moms, yeah, or let's say, some female clients. And they say, Oh, I can't go above 10 pounds that's been put mass on me, but woke up, I woke up. Are you not the same person carrying that 35 pound child, the person carrying the groceries in at the same time? So you're basically doing a farmer carry with 70 pounds of weight? Yes. Hello, you're strong. So explain to me why you can't pick a weight up and do the same thing. What is a new client thinking when they're doing that? Why do they default to cardio and not go towards the strength side of it? I don't know. They're missing out, man. I mean, that's all I have to say. That's all I have to say. And then how do you get them to? And it's funny, because let me tell you something. We could sit here and give science all day. Yeah, they won't matter. So what do you what connects you to that piece? What what gets them to kind of be like, Oh, I do connect with you? Yeah, I trained to a mom. She had just had her third baby. And she had all of the weights. Her husband really loves to work out. So she had everything to access. And I said, Do you happen to have any 35 pounds, dumbbells over there? And she said, Oh, yeah, but I could never lift that. I said, Could you grab your two year old for me too. And she's like, Yeah, I was like, Okay, this is what we're gonna do. So before you grab your toddler, because to keep a toddler in one space, it's challenging. So I said before you grab your toddler, we're going to do a couple couple goblet squats, right? So just big 35 pound weight. I'm going to teach you how to drop it down correctly. I'm gonna teach you how to exhale. Remember, we're doing core work here. Everything is core work. Whether you're doing your arms over your head, you're doing core work, whether you're squatting, you're doing core work. Yep. Never leave your core behind. Just a side note. So we did. I don't know, maybe eight squats. It was one of our first session. So we just nice and easy, right? Yes. Okay, go grab your baby. Grab the baby. And I said, Hey, buddy, can you help me? Mommy's gonna, you know, do this really fun exercise with you. I need you to be really still okay. And then when mom picks you up, I want you to say good job, Mama. Oh, wow. And so she bends down and she grabs her little boy and stands up. And he goes job, Mama, you know, the best title literally crying. She brought she brought tears to the podcast, right? I didn't mean to. But then you saw it. So you know, she didn't maybe twice and I said okay, buddy, thank you so much. I appreciate your participation today. You know, mom said, I'll give you a treat later, whatever. So he leaves the room. And I'm like, do you see what you just did? You You simply mirrored a task that you do dozens of times a day. How often do you pick up that sweet little one? Right? Like how often do you do that? So I'm not going to Have you start with the five pounds doing a bicep curl? Right? I'm gonna have you grab the weight of your, of your little guy because you're gonna carry him up the stairs when he falls asleep on the couch tonight. That's, you know, well, other than the tears, you said that. So that's an activity of daily living, right. And in the medical field, they call it ADLs. So ADLs is something I'll refer to, to elderly of what they can do. So he that's your living life. And then a couple things we do when we older, when we're older, we sit down to go to the restroom. Right? Right. That's a squat. Yeah, we go and we put something away in the cabinet. That's a shoulder press, right? We're pushing the door open, right? That's a chest press. So all these things exists, we bend over to pick something up deadlift, right. So I love that you were able to what a great visual of a goblet squat, I've put a weight into your hands, you say you can't do it. I put your beautiful child in your hands. And you you get this like you muster the strength on strength to get to just you do it because you love that. Absolutely beautiful. Oh my gosh, I love that. And it's putting this. It's putting this whole mindset into them of Wait, I don't think I am disciplined in working out. But then she's like, Oh, my God, actually, I am disciplined. I do this every single day, right? And I want to talk about discipline for a minute. Because something that I've always said, Actually, I think there's probably a moment in my life where I told Ken the type of person I wanted to marry. And I actually said, I want to marry a man that is so disciplined with fitness. Because if you're disciplined with fitness, that has to do with yourself. So if you make yourself a priority, you will be disciplined in every other area, because showing up for yourself is the hardest. So I want to hear from both of you on what has helped you to stay disciplined. Well, let's, let's face one rowdy, we we both failed at it at least. That's what came to my mind first. And like, that's, that's what I want to point out. Because like, you often have to tell me that you're like, you know, I wasn't always disciplined, right? Like I make the daily decision to and that's like, I'm not asking people who out the womb were like, discipline, discipline, you know, like, so yeah, Spence, my husband, he, he said something today that is perfect for this, he was talking about creating like a daily resume, like, if you can do something today, then the next day, when you wake up, you're like, I could never do that. We have to look back and see your track record. And if you've done it once, you can do it again. Yeah. So it's just that reminder of, even if you don't want to you can, you know, and we've talked several times about making adjustments and what is what is attainable for you in a season or on that day or that week or whatever, whatever you can do. You you should do, right? And believing in the track record record that you have. So you might not think that you're disciplined. But if you look back at the past month, and you showed up to every one of your personal training sessions, or your walks with your neighbor, whatever it is, if you showed up for yourself, then you are disciplined, it doesn't necessarily mean that you need to be counting your calories, and working out six days a week. And you know, like, you don't have to have this exhaustive list. And then when you fail to meet one, you fail to meet them. All right, like that's not how this that's not how this works. So let's have a little bit of grace for ourselves, right? Big time and, and appreciate what we can give and get out of ourselves and still have that mental strength to push discipline is a lot about that mental strength, man. So it's like, even when you don't want to you it's a mental opportunity. Right? You have to tell yourself, I can I have I will. I am disciplined. Yeah, right. Like I am disciplined. And I'm glad you said what you just said, because I know you're you're you're gonna speak something profound about this, because this is your jam. But even last night, you asked me, you said, do you think you're a disciplined person? Because you were about to say, I think you do, but you waited for me to answer. And I said, I don't think so. And you're like, well, you're disciplined in a lot of things. And I was counting it as like, if I'm not disciplined in everything, I am nothing, or nothing. Yeah, yeah. And that's the that's the discipline. That's the failure we see with a lot of people. So we fall off for a week. What nope, I'm nothing I gave up. I quit and it's like, well, over, let's just say 365 days, 52 weeks. If you work out 30 of those 52 weeks, what a win. I mean that you're winning, you're winning the year in a big way. So discipline comes in the same way to me. So a lot of people say Well, Jared, you just you have that natural gift. Oh my goodness. No, I don't. Not only do I not mine started like every other journey. One day a week started two days a week started 15 or 20 years ago. Here's a couple things I would have said no, I will never eat oatmeal. No, I will never eat bland chicken. No, I will never do this. No, I will never do that. Not only do I do those somewhere in those 15 to 20 years. I have no idea where it happened. They just started switching. I love it. Yeah, I literally eat oatmeal as A snack now and you're probably thinking like, that's not me. Oh, um, get me out of here. I was not making oatmeal. Let's be clear blueberries. But that's it blueberries. That's the sugar. But so that's the thing I'm talking about. So it never started overnight. Yeah, I mean, it started over time and then as you build on, so that's why we love to start people off at the one or two times a week thing because, okay, you start off, let's just say one full year, you work out one time. By the time you do that, you're like, I could probably add something at this point. So now it's second year, right? It's one workout a week, one walk a week. Okay. Now two years go by we have we have developed habits at this point, right? We have developed discipline at this point. So your three year like, I actually think I can get to workouts and you're not saying month, you're saying year years, because when most people want to get ready for that wedding when they want to get ready in 90 days. Okay. So when you do that, here's what happens to your body, you do it, you lose weight, you gain weight, here's what happens to the fat cell, it gets harder to get off the second time around. So when you go and regain that weight, it's not like your cell structure just becomes easy. You can go right back to it. Some people actually do they say like, hold 30 or something of that nature. They'll jump into it. They'll go back to like, I don't understand what's going on. I'm not losing weight the same way. Yeah, well, because your cells change your body is so good at adapting it understands what to do. So what I would say in that discipline is build slowly and stop putting all the pressure on yourself. Pick one thing, just just give me one thing. Yeah, I would say walking because I think it's the most sustainable thing. And I just think it's life giving. So walking the Harvard study that everyone refers to cut depression by 30%. Alone, just walking. If I walked into your house, someone who is battling depression, I said, I have the best medicine ever. It's a pill. Yeah, it's gonna reduce your depression by 30%. You'd be like, Give me it isn't a gummy I'm in, I'm ready to roll. I go. It's walking. Yeah, you don't even need a pill. It's what? So then you start there. And then I would say that next thing to do is identify what you love. And also just add one more thing. Don't be afraid of trial and error. I've tried so many things and hated it. I've tried things. So let's say you do bar and kickboxing. Okay, not only am I terrible at bar, I've tried it out. It's not my jam and total, but I wouldn't coach myself to do it. But if I have a client who loved it and hated strain training, 100% would tell them to do it because you're gonna keep doing it. So find something swimming, do it walking to rock climbing, do it. Walk around Disney 14 times a year, do it spatially. Okay, so I kind of want to bring this to a close with talking about or speaking to the person who really needs encouraged in this area. And they're like, Okay, I get it. And I'm in. So it's a two fold kind of situation? How do you encourage the person who's listening to this? To have a healthy relationship with fitness, or just encouragement that they need to begin with? Because we're talking to two people who were not always like this? Yeah, you were this person. And you are best suited to serve the person that you once were? So what would you say? I would just say find a buddy. That would be my my absolute number one recommendation, Find a buddy and then do something that you like. I love the simplicity. In worst case, you build a relationship from it. Yeah, really? Worst case, you have a friend? Oh, no. Like that. Friends gonna bring life to you. Yeah, so yeah, to me, I would say every person at this table knows what it's like to eat nachos at midnight, every single person knows, every single person knows what it's like to not feel in love with how they look, every single person at this table knows that. I'm just begging you more than anything, just do one thing. And here's why. It will help every single part of your life. It's not just the aesthetic. In fact, you will find out the aesthetic is literally the last thing you care about that it's like I say a line that money numbers will follow your hard work. It just will follow if you work hard, it will follow the aesthetic component will follow if you just stick to anything. So stay with it. And I promise you when you fall off, it's one day of 365. And I think that's important to highlight not if but when? Correct. Right? Because when gives you freedom to fight to fail and fall, not if that's the only way too much pressure. Amen. Good point. So I just wanted to just highlight that you said when Yeah, not if I guarantee you you have the strength to do it. Yes, I can not No, I cannot absolutely find a trainer who believes in you. Yeah, one there is a lot of them. And there's so many investments around this. This is an investment of time. Yes, it's an investment of energy. Yes, relationships are an investment of so much more than that. You're worth that investment. And just like when you invest into like a retirement account or something like that, what if we started treating fitness like it was a retirement part of your portfolio of relation right All right, but we're not if it's for if it's for your retirement, we are not allowed to cash out. We actually have to stay. Now the investments, sure. Are they going to happen every single day? Maybe not. But each time that you do it, you're creating more wealth, and that area in your health and interrelationships. Yeah, shoot now that's a way to end it. I don't know why I got to Twain. Alright guys, thank you so much for being a part of this conversation. I hope you feel encouraged and inspired to build your relational health so that you can in turn, build your relational wealth. We'll see you back here in two weeks. Love you guys. So you