When is the last time you did a check-up on your relational health? As in, your relationship WITH your health? How we treat our bodies (and health) has a direct impact on all of our other relationships, so in this series, we are focusing on how relational health brings relational wealth!
This episode discusses how her life journey of malnutrition, body shame, pregnancy, and postpartum body image issues turned Mackenzie Te'o into a fitness Instructor, and why she is so wildly passionate about helping young moms transform their bodies. WAIT! If you're a guy...please don't count this episode out. If you are close to any young moms or women currently pregnant, this episode is going to be one of the greatest tools on how you can best care for them!
Special shout out to today's sponsor BAG + BARRE, the brand new fitness studio in the Pittsburgh area that dynamically blends kickboxing and barre to help new moms heal, love, rebuild, and transform their bodies, and achieve a new level of strength!
Learn more by heading to Instagram: @bagandbarre or www.bagandbarre.com
Remember, you're worth having and building relational wealth! The connection you’ve been looking for is on the way, and it all starts by being Accidentally Intentional.
Did you know we also have a YouTube channel?! It's true, just for all of you lovers of visual formats! For the video version of this episode, head to the Accidentally Intentional YouTube channel!
Join the conversation and follow along on Instagram! I respond to DM's! Let's converse! Say hi, or share your biggest takeaways! I'm all ears! @accidentallyintentional or @zoeasher
70% of people do not have a single person that they can call in the middle of a crisis. Let's face it, we are relationally broke. And my mission is to make that percentage zero. But how? By building relational wealth, the embodiment of all your relationships with yourself with others and experiences that enrich your life. I promise you this podcast will help you build wealth in every way that money cannot. And it all starts by being accidentally intentional. Let's begin. What's up guys? Welcome back to another accidentally intentional podcast episode today. We are starting a relational health series and what I mean by that is your relationship with your health because your health impacts your relationships and how you show up for everybody else. And starting off this series is my dear friend, Mackenzie. Injured today. But I don't have that sound. So now we just have me awkwardly singing it. I'm glad you did it, because I was gonna try. Well look at us go. So Ken's and I have a history. And this history is we were friends than we were not friends. Now. We're friends again. And actually, Ken's has been on the podcast before. So if you want to take a look at the episode where we talk about how we fell apart and came back together, click this link up above here. But Ken's you are on this podcast today. Because you have quite a crazy journey that I have witnessed, personally in my life. And we're gonna get to that in a second. But I want to just start by saying who this podcast episode is for Ken's is going to talk about pregnancy, she's going to talk about fitness. But before you're like, Well, I'm a guy, I don't listen, hang on, let's not all of it. Okay? And also, if your spouse or your family member or your friend of someone who's pregnant, this is going to be super helpful for you as well. But really, what we are focusing the conversation on today is Ken's is your relationship with your body because of the wild journey that you have been on? And so what I want to do before we get into that is obviously relational wealth is the foundation of this podcast. I would love to know in your mind, what are three traits that you look for in your relationships? Oh, what a fun question. Thank you. Probably the first one is laughter. Love that is kind of my only prerequisite is can you make me laugh? Well, I guess I'll starting strong. No, really. Sometimes I'll say to spend my husband sometimes I'll be like, Man, I just need to go hang out with oh, I just want to I'm not even kidding. It's like you and two other people that I'm like, I just need to go spend time laughing Come on. So I'm gonna say laughter is one of them. Okay. The second one, I think for me as a Christian would probably be faith. It's just somebody who can actually encourage where I'm at in my life and in my in the season that I'm in. Yeah. And lightheartedness. You know, like somebody who can enjoy the depth of a conversation, but who can also like just let things kind of roll off? You know, you don't leave the conversation wondering like, Oh, should I say too much or not enough? Or did I offend? Or you know what I mean, totally, just, lightness is really wonderful. And that's, that's a great one. And for me, it is like lightness in the ability to choose to not be offended. Yes, that's a gift. Yeah. I love that. So can I want to talk about your fitness journey, but it's really a journey of your body is what revolves around first? Yeah. Because to give people context for who I knew Ken's to be Yeah. She gonna laugh at this part. But no. When Ken's and I were on tour together, we did a tour. It's a whole thing. She was my leader for a year. And Kansas diet, I'm pretty sure consisted of two foods, not two food groups, foods, and it was bread, and cheese and mac and cheese. Just cheese in general. Who knows? Mac and cheese? pizza cheese. And you went from this cheese loving child. to having a child? Yeah, but getting into fitness and changing so much about yourself. Yeah. And I kind of want to know if you could take us back to the headspace. Who were you? Yeah. And where were you before fitness came into your life? Yeah, that's a fantastic question. In brief, I had a rather challenging childhood, and my mom did the best she could with what she had. And because of her own struggles, she also part of that was struggling with anorexia. And so I was never taught how to eat. I was never taught how to grocery shop or how to cook. I grew really only having mac and cheese and bread and pasta, just like spaghetti normally, yeah, and I could really only cook anything that was like breakfast. And I didn't have rice for the first time until I was 21. And I didn't really like food, right? Like, I didn't really struggle with anorexia myself, I never really struggled with the too big or too small or this food or does this or anything like that, but I just never had an interest in food food for me was just kind of like survival. And I never genuinely never saw it as an issue. I never saw it even on tour, I never saw it as an issue. It was really just, I don't want to be hungry. So I'll just eat literally anything that will make me feel full. Whatever that was, and bred normally does that. And then I remember I slipped a disc in my lower back, just bending over to pick up a bag one time, went to the chiropractor for whatever reason, they ran all these like blood tests, and they came back. They're like, hey, we need to sit down talk to you. And I was like, Okay, what's up? And they said, you're malnourished. And I was like, what does that mean? I don't know that. Like, what does that mean? And they were like, you literally don't have nutrients in your body to sustain it. Like you are literally killing your body. Wow. And I was like, Well, how could that be? I mean, pizza has all of the food groups. I was so ignorant. I just didn't know what I didn't know, you know. And I didn't have anybody in my life that loved me in the way that would provide a safe place for me to try things that were new, because food for me was really scary. And I was for whatever reason terrified of not liking something and not liking something in public and then getting picked on for it. So it wasn't until I got married that I started being introduced to new foods. I married a Samoan, by the way, and I offered him one time we were engaged. I'll never forget this moment, I offered him the ring back one time. And I said, I don't know how to cook you rice. And I want you to marry somebody who can cook delicious dinner meals for you. And I can't do that. Wow. And in that moment, like he just took my hands and he was like, baby, I'll cook for us. It's not that big of a deal. Like this food journey that you're on is not that big of a deal. So that really sparked it for me. And then as I grew in my desire for fitness, I wanted to feel strong, I hated feeling. I hit a two misconceptions. One, I felt squishy, which is a strange thing to feel. And two, I had this misconception that skinny equals healthy. And that is so far from the truth. You know, I've always been thin. But you asked me to walk up a flight of stairs and your girl couldn't breathe, right. And so it was at that time that I there was a bunch of things I was struggling with I was struggling with myself competence I was struggling with not feeling strong, I was struggling with just literally trying to breathe after doing any sort of general life activity. And I was tired of it. And so I did something about it. I went to a kickboxing class and fell in love. And then really the rest is history. Wow. Now I love rice. And now we love rice. Now, that is the moral of the story. You can love rice to folks, if you just put your mind to it. Put your mind to it. Because first of all, it's brilliant. And I want to dive into obviously what it felt like transitioning into making fitness a habit in your life. But I want to go back to something you touched on. And you said that you actually had a fear of trying something new, and getting picked on for it. And the reason I want to talk about that is because in the same way, when someone starts eating healthier, or making different choices that are out of the norm, and they're surrounded by a group of people who are making those same former choices, it can feel very uncomfortable, because you're like I'm being vulnerable. I can get embarrassed, I could get made fun of for something that I think is right, but like how easy it would be to fall off because someone says something negative. So where do you think that fear came from for you? I think it's just the man, the fear of rejection, like the desire to want to be accepted. For me, I just kind of always want to not even blend into the background, but just like be a part of the group, you know, and my whole life I stood out specifically when it came to food. And I was always so ashamed by that everybody always had a comment to make about what I was eating or what I wasn't eating. And so it was so scary for me to try anything new. I remember the first time that I tried sushi I was with a bunch of girls who loved sushi and they were new friends. And girl it made me gag. I do not get down with sushi. And I was like no, I'll try. They were you know, encouraging me aggressively. And I tried it and I just like I couldn't. I just could not handle it and like they never let me live it down. And I think that was like my attempt at trying and then I felt like when I was vulnerable and I kind of got I teased for it, I felt like, okay, so I am not going to put myself in that position again, I'm never going to try a new food out in public or with people that I don't know that I can trust. Because it's it's very vulnerable, right? Like, my, my family has a messy history with food. But you don't know that if you don't know that, right? So it's not they weren't being malicious by any means. It's just it was an insecurity of mine and you don't know everybody's insecurities. So it's hard to tiptoe around that. Yeah. But gosh, you just just want to be accepted. And you never think that something like food is going to make you not feel accepted. Yeah, so I think this is a good point, right? Is to just bring this up right now is if you're listening to this, and maybe like, oh, maybe I should stop commenting on you know, this person doing this? Or maybe you're like, I feel like this. What if we dared ourselves to be the friends that communicate about what hurts us? You know? And and on the other side of that, let's choose to give life to someone when they're doing something that's abnormal for them? Yes. Because obviously, when doing something new, that's scary. Yeah. Because you're gonna look like a clown. Yeah, because it's new. Even if you've done it 1000 times, right, somebody else is doing something new. It's terrifying. And that's something that I value. As a trainer, I, I like to try new, different different forms of fitness often, because I think it's so important to always remember what it feels like to start over what it feels like to be vulnerable, what it feels like to do something new and be like, my body physically doesn't lift like that, right? Like, when I first started doing bar, it was like, golly, they look so graceful. And I'm over here, like a robot, you know, but it was so good. Because it was a reminder that every time that I get a new client, like they're experiencing this whole new thing, so even though I have done 1000s of squats, maybe my client has never and so for me to correct something, I need to be very gentle, and kind with that not like you should know, fill in the blank, you know, like, I think just being gentle with people and not expecting everybody to live up to whatever the standard is, regardless of what the area is. But to be an encouragement in a safe place for people in your life is really, really important. For sure. I 100%. Agree. So you said that you basically had this moment where you're like, I didn't want this anymore. Like you're saying he felt squishy. He were out of breath. And I'm assuming that your mood was probably like all over the place. Because there's no regulation. What take us through that breaking point that happened because I feel like often people have a breaking point. And then they have a meltdown. But it doesn't lead to change. I mean, I know. I'm for sure. Like guilty of that. I was like, yeah, yeah. And then the next day, I'm like, Okay, fine. Back to normal. But, yeah, what was the breaking point that actually made you take action on it? Yeah. Yeah, I was working with a girl who was kickboxing, and she was just so dope, you know. And I was like, Man, I want to walk with confidence. Like, I want to feel, I want to feel just strong and comfortable in my skin. And so she invited me and oh, my gosh, I thought it was gonna throw up walking into that gym. I really did. I almost turned around several times on the drive there. Well. And the first class, I fell in love, there is nothing in the world, like beating the crap out of anything. You know, specifically a bag bag is usually the best thing to go with, right. And I felt I walked out of there feeling like so empowered and alive. And like, I can do anything. Like I can do anything. I can try anything I can, I can do anything. You know, I was so alive. And that's what changed my fitness journey. And I think so often. When we want to get in shape, you know, we think of the main couple things right? Like start doing crunches, start doing squats, start running. And if you hate all three of those, you're going to hate your fitness journey. Right? Yep. So find something that you love, and then you'll stick with it. And I love beating stuff up. It's dope and fun. And then I love that dude feel amazing, right? So it's like, that's what I want to do. And that's what changed for me was the way that it made me feel after I just got over that single hump of not wanting to vomit because of nerves. Well, you got super passionate about kickboxing. But you didn't just become passionate about kickboxing, you suddenly became passionate about bringing other people alongside with you. And suddenly, well obviously not suddenly, nothing happens overnight. But this turns into you becoming a kickboxing coach and a fitness instructor. Yeah. And a new passion was unlocked for you. Tell me about that. In what? What made you go from i love this too. I need everyone else to know about this too. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so I just really enjoyed the sport. And I remember I was working mitts with one of the trainers at the gym that I used to train at. And she's just a monster of a woman. I mean, she would be able to defeat me on one foot with her left hand easy. To this day. She's amazing. And she said to me, when she was holding mitts for me, she was like, you could fight you know? And she she'd fought. That's what she did. And I was like, I could, why could what like, I went home that night and felt so encouraged and believed in, you know, like, that somebody saw, even if it was just a spark of hope, you know, a glimmer of potential in me. Her saying that changed everything. And I asked her, I said, Can you will you train me? I don't have much to give you but I'll give you what I've got. And so I did exactly that. I got up three hours early, and I went into my job three hours early, so I could leave three hours early, so I could get to the gym and train with her for just an hour or two, three days a week. Well, and she's an undefeated kickboxing boss. She's amazing. bloke, she Yeah, she, she now she judges MMA, and she's real dope. And so she trained me and I, I just remember thinking her belief in me made me want to give that to everybody, everybody. So I started teaching at the gym. And then I got, you know, several certifications. And people started asking me like, Can I can I stay after class with you? Or can I stay? Or can I come early to be with you? And then it just kind of snowballed from there. So all of a sudden, I had several people asking me, Can you do this with me more? Can you do this with me more? And I'm like, Well, I can, you know, but I probably need to adjust my schedule a little bit to make this work. Yeah. And I remember watching a documentary one time and feeling it was about somebody opening up like a boxing gym and the effect that it had on the community and how it pours discipline and hope into whatever community it's in. And I remember thinking to myself, like, I want to do that one day, and it was such a strange thought because I'd never had the desire for fitness. And that just really like sparked my like, okay, maybe there's something here, right? Like I'm fall following a little bit of a bread crumb trail. Yeah. And then my LLC was born. And so I trained for, I don't know, several years, just one on one clients, or like pairs and groups of three trained everywhere, my house, their house, the park, virtual out of other people's gyms. You name it courtyards, like literally anywhere. And it just kept growing and growing and growing and growing. And then the idea to actually own my own brick and mortar spot came into my life, the thought of it came into my life when I was about six months pregnant. Wow. And I was like, for sure. Let's do it. So here I am. I'm saying this. I'm pausing this right now because actually, the sponsor of today's episode is bagging bar. Oh, crazy. No. Can you believe that? It was a dream. Yeah. And now it's a gym. Now it's a thing you can come tell us about it anytime. Yeah, I mean, it's amazing. Like I have a huge heart for women, and specifically for moms in the mama body. And everything that women go through. And my gym was really kind of birthed out of the desire to take care of the female body. And so my gym is called bag and bar, and it's partnering kickboxing with bar, these violent, explosive, dripping and sweat workouts with the poise and the small movement, very sculpting exercises of bar. And so you're getting the big muscle groups and the itsy bitsy ones, and it balances out so beautifully. They complement each other very, very well. And then having different classes to help specifically heal postpartum moments, and put their bodies back together. And my dream my vision is just to make every single woman who walks through the doors of bag and bar to know that I believe in them, and that they are loved. And if they haven't heard it yet that day, thank you for all that you've done and sacrificed in any area of your life over the past 24 hours or however long it's been since I've seen you. Thank you. Wow, that's the heart and vision of my gym. I just want to love women. That's all love awesome. I love that and I mean I feel encouraged right now and I didn't even step in the gym. Yeah, dang well What made you so passionate about helping moms? Like obviously you went through pregnancy yourself, but there's a lot more to it because a lot of people get pregnant. And they're not like, you know what, I need to start a gym for moms? Yeah, most people Hmm. Right. So what was it for you? Yeah, I've always had. I don't know, I've always loved serving Moms. My mom was a single mom. And she did an amazing job. Two kids. A lot of kids, six kids, I guess. So we're a blended family. So we've got lots. But I really grew up with my my sister. And then my brother came along when I was about 14. And I watched my mom work several jobs. I watched her put herself through college took her nine years, but girl got that degree. Hey, go mama. Do you think mom? And so I've always just like to see what what moms go through specifically, single moms. I don't know how you do it. I don't know. And you should be cheered on 1,000%. And I think going through the pregnancy process was, gosh, it was hard. For me. It was hard for me for several different reasons. I think I was really sick. The first trimester, which is normal, totally normal. As a fitness trainer, that was hard because I was in the gym all day, but the smell of the gym made me throw up. So that made my job hard. Wow. And oftentimes, whenever you get pregnant, you're your abs start to separate to make room for the baby. And I had worked so hard on that eight pack, and your girl looked good, too. And then that child of mine said, Never. It's the nerve for me. And so my abs separated around seven months, and I remember seeing it separate and I cried, it was so hard. There's nothing that you can do about it typically happens at about 60% of women who get pregnant. And then I had a really rough labor and delivery. I don't need to get into all of it. But I ended up laboring for 22 hours and then ended up with a C section. And that just really kind of blows up your body, you know, and after. After she was here, she was beautiful and healthy. And that's all that mattered. But my body was a wreck. I mean, my body was a wreck. And that was really really hard for me because I had worked so hard. And I was so diligent in staying consistent with my workouts throughout my pregnancy. And I trained until literally 48 hours before I gave birth, I was still training kickboxing. So I have videos of me literally kickboxing with this massive belly, big ol puffy face, you know, nine months pregnant. Oh, waterway, My cheeks are out to here. And yeah, trying to put my body back together after having a baby was one of the hardest things that I've ever done. easily the hardest things I've ever done. And I don't think that moms, that women after you have a baby can be prepared for that. It's not often talked about, because so many women have babies. So it just seems like something that's normal to go through and then to bounce back from or whatever. But man, it really it affects every area of your life. It does, how did it impact every area of your life, the hardest thing was the complications from my, my labor and delivery. Disabled me from working out for several months. My doctor was just like, not doing it. Yeah, you just you need to take some time off. And obviously for me 48 hours previous I was working out and then have my go through the 20 hours of labor had my baby. And then for the next four and a half months, I was told like your body is so healing like you can't you can't go to the gym, which that's like that's, that's an identity. Like you're a person that works out. Yeah. And that's how I make my money. Yeah, and that's how I live as far as like I'm alive when I'm encouraging women in fitness, and I'm alive when I'm in fitness. And so to have that taken away from me was was really really, really challenging. And, and then to watch. Everything that I worked so hard for in my body to watch my muscles dissolve was so disheartening. And to know that like, after four and a half months of not having worked out I have to start over. And my clients get to watch me struggle and start over and I think for them it was very encouraging. But man for me talk about impostor syndrome, like how could I call myself a trainer if I could barely do a rep of whatever with whatever right like it was I felt embarrassed and ashamed and it was awful. And most times people don't know that when you ABS separate, you have to do the work of bringing them back together, they don't typically come back together on their own. So in simple like breathing exercise of trying to bring my my abs back together. But until that happens when your abs are separated, your stomach almost looks like you're you have more weight than what you do because there's a separation, if that makes sense. Yeah. So I felt so uncomfortable. And then on top of that, I've got this C section scar. And I'm, again, it's one of the things was like, I know that millions of women have this right, but millions of women's it surely isn't that big of a deal. But gosh, my eye was just a disaster, I hated the way that my body looked, I hated the way that my body felt, I had no desire to want to be desired. By my husband and my marriage, I didn't feel comfortable or confident in anything that I was wearing. And anything that I was teaching, and any woman that I was trying to encourage, it was coming out of just me white knuckling. And, like, trying so hard to put on my brave face, you know, I was just not in a good head space. So to start working out again, and to really like make the decision, like looking up this mountain and being like, okay, here we go, like, I'm going to do the best I can with what I've got. And if today that means that I can get in three sets, then that's what I'm going to do. You know, if that's the best that I can do, then that's the best I'm going to do today. I have nothing to prove to anybody. Yeah, I need to take care of myself. I can imagine that in those moments where you're hating your body. Ultimately, your body is part of you. You're like hating yourself. Yeah. Obviously, that impacts your relationships around you too. Yep. Because if you hate yourself, you're not your best self. Right? And not bring that to the table. So there's probably somebody listening. Yeah, who is resonating with everything that you're saying right now. And I'm hoping that there's also people listening right now who are like, Oh, that's what they're going through? Yeah. Because, like, I've just in my recent years of life, I learned about this from my friends having kids. What would you say that people who are surrounding pregnant women can do to walk alongside them through this process of hating their body, loving their body being pregnant? hating it again, afterwards? thinking there's no way it'll ever be the same? Yeah, I have no hope up all my dreams. Yeah. Like, that's a really tough mental space to be in. So what can we do to get alongside that? Yeah, I think encouragement for me is like oxygen. Like when people encouraged me, it's literally like, you're giving my heart a beat? Well, you know, and that might just be for me, some people don't like or need encouragement as much as I do. Maybe that's why I give it so much. But I think encouragement of just like, complimenting a woman, not necessarily on how she looks, but who she is, I think is really important. And saying, like, you look, you're glowing today, or you look very healthy, or rather than, like, I got this all the time. And it was really, it made me cry. And people didn't mean to but you know, also when your postpartum hormones are disaster, very little control over your emotions. But people would say all the time, like you just had a baby girl, you look great. You look amazing. And me hearing that it wasn't helpful, because I felt like I was lying to everybody. Right? It was like so misaligned, you're like, that's not Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So it was hard for me to hear that. Because then I also felt like, I was defined as a success if I lost the baby weight, and my other mama friends who just had babies around the same time, who hadn't lost the baby weight. They were failures. And so my heart broke for them. Because if I was with one of them, and they made that compliment to me, not knowing that they had just had a baby as well. And they then their mind, they know that they didn't lose that baby weight, you know what I mean? So it's like, skinny doesn't equal healthy. And, and I think that we should stop praising moms for skinny being the success post partum. You know, if they're healthy in their mind and their body, that's what we want to praise. And if they're just surviving, we need to praise that too. Because sometimes you've I remember getting four, three or four hours of sleep. And I just wanted somebody in the morning to say, Hey, girl, you made it. Good job. You know, like, wow, I don't know. That's profound, though. Because it's so simple. Yeah. So overlooked, because it's so simple. Yeah. And so many women deal with it. So I think oftentimes, there's a stigma that like, well, if billions of women have dealt with it, then you should be fine. Right? Like everybody feels this you should be fine. And that is so far from the truth. Just because so many people have dealt with it doesn't mean anything. I'm still going through it. You know what I mean? See, you talked about like past tense Now because you're on the other side of it, but how do you go from Hating Your Body, getting to fitness, loving your body? Having a kid Hating Your Body? What mindset shift needed to happen to be like, come hell or high water? I am fighting for myself. Yeah, after this Yeah, I started to notice that I was a little bit more withdrawn when it came to my relationship with my husband with Spence, like, I started to notice that little things like, I stopped changing near him or in front of him, you know, like, I didn't like, I didn't like the way that I looked. So surely he wouldn't either. So it started to really affect my intimacy with my husband. And when your intimacy and your your marriage is affected, a lot of other things are affected, as well. Yeah. And so I got to the space where I was tired of things getting in the way of me having a joyful marriage, I was just kind of over it, right. Like, I made a covenant before the Lord. And I love and promise myself to this man, and I will not let something like this get in my way. And so what do I need to feel beautiful? So I can be there in my marriage present. So I can be confident so I can be comfortable so I can be does that feel worthy of being desired? Well, you know what I mean? Yeah, like that comfort level is really important in marriage. And that's really what triggered it. For me, I was just kind of over it. I was like, I'm not, my marriage is not going to be at the cost of a C section scar. Right? Like, I'm not going to let it I don't need to have an eight pack to feel loved or desired by my husband. And if I want to, it's for me, you know, like, so there was that two fold? Like, I want to feel I want to feel strong and beautiful for myself. Yeah. And also, my husband accepts me as exactly the way that I am. He never once looked at me and thought anything different. It was what I was putting in my own head at that time. I love that. Thank you for sharing that. First of all, of course. Yeah. Because I know a lot of people are listening to this. And you just opened up something that nobody talked about before. Yeah. And we need to talk about these things. Yeah. Because these relationships where you can have this kind of depth and connection with people. You're worthy of it. Point blank. Yeah, in the same way that you're talking about, especially like in a marriage. But in any relationship, you are worth having incredible relationships. And if insecurities are getting in the way, it doesn't need to stay that way. Yeah. And you can choose to have power over that and take action to get out of that. So I love what you're saying. And I guess I would love to kind of close with this whole conversation has been about your relationship with your body. There's people listening to this right now who have mixed emotions, about their own relationship with their body. It's up and down, which I think is normal. Yeah. But let's say we're talking to the people who are in a downward spiral. Yeah, right now. What would you do and what would you love to say to encourage them right where they're at? Yeah, what I would say practically, like for a solution, something quick that you can do tomorrow. Find a buddy, find a friend who's going to go with you and try everything. Try anything, any sort of fitness anything and see how it goes. Try fencing. Try rock climbing, don't try boxing. Try bar, try Pilates. Try Zumba. Just go try a bunch of stuff and see how it goes. You can do like a class pass. They've got partnerships with a bunch of different gyms and you can choose choose adventure. Yeah, no, really seriously, go on a hike, you know, go swimming, like, try anything. You don't have to go into, like the standard kind of gym and work on one of the machines that you don't know what it does. Right? Right. Like, you don't know what that machine does. I don't either, right. That's how I feel when I show up in a normal gym. Yeah, honestly, I don't go into that. But just go find find a friend who will love you and encourage you doing something that's new and do doing something that's challenging. And go make an adventure out of it. document it if you want to, you know, like go just go do the thing. Find something that brings you joy. I love that. And if you don't have a friend that you feel like you can go with how about inverse that whole concept and go to the gym and make the friends love that guaranteed? Everyone else they're in the same position you are yes of feeling insecure? Yeah. What do people think? Yeah, well, might as well find someone who's in the same headspace so that you can pull each other out of it. Here's a trick every Buddy likes the person who offers them a piece of gum. If you show up caught in any, any fitness class, and you you're alone, right and you're nervous and you really want to make a friend, Hey, girl, you want a piece of gum? Nobody is not going to be your friend from that point forward. Right? Brilliant. Like everybody is gonna be like, she's so nice. Where are you from? Allah. Why are you here? documenting my fitness journey? I'm trying fencing. You've been here for a long time. I want to build this fence. Around fence. Okay, sorry. corny jokes got any jokes? Um, okay, well, first off, you can make rice. Number two, offer GM. We've learned so much through this app. Number three, I believe in you. I believe in us. Oh, and I believe in you. Tell them, I believe in you. And you're worth believing in yourself to Amen. Yeah, yeah. Well, Ken, I think this has been an incredible conversation. It's been really eye opening. And I hope that you feel encouraged by it. Because everyone goes through seasons of not enjoying where they're at physically. But that doesn't need to be your permanent resting place. It can just be a season. And thanks to Jim such as Kansas, you can do something you can take action and fight for the body and fight for the mindset and fight for the relationships ultimately, that you've always wanted. So, Ken, thank you so much for being on here today. Welcome, girl. Give a shout out for your gym one last time at the end. Oh, tell people because by the time that this airs, yeah, the gym will be live. Yep. Tell us where it is. Yep. Yeah, bag and bar. It's on the main strip and swiftly, swiftly, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. So if you're listening to this in California, Africa. But feel free to come visit us. We'd love to have you first class is free. Hey, I love it. I'm so pumped. You can come and hit stuff and get wildly encouraged. By me. That sounds like the best time ever. Spelled ba R E though. Most people don't know that. Oh, they think like ba i went to the National Spelling Bee. Did you? Did you really? Yes in seventh grade. So if you want to learn more about bag in bar, go to bag and BB B A R e.com. Or you can find them on Instagram at bag and bar. It's gonna be dope. It's good. I think I'm gonna come and I'm not even pregnant or like have children but I just want to be encouraged. You don't need to be a mom or pregnant or you go to come to baggage bar. Anybody can come done. But to confirm it's not a bar. There will be no alcohol is ba RR E, I gotta turn this off. We done. Alright guys, thank you so much for listening to this episode in the next one. We're still in the relational health series, you're gonna be listening to a very special guest who may or may not be married to me. So stay tuned for that. Love you guys. We'll see you next time.